"Take a Back Road"

So I just finished reading the most disturbing blog I've EVER read...and it was all based around a t-shirt.  The t-shirt reads "Adoption is the New Pregnant".  The blogger claims that it's offensive...that adoption is not like being pregnant at all and should not even be compared.  She also stated that domestic infant adoptions only happen when the baby is stolen from the "rightful parent".  She said that adoptive parents are nothing more than guardians and should be called such.  She said that only blood makes a family, even if the child is unwanted or unloved.  She said that what the bible says about adoption does not mean anything to her because she is not a Christian.  That's when I stopped reading.

Every one of my friends with children had them biologically (except for my blog friends I've "met" along this journey).  To them I ask....what are your thoughts on adoption?  Do you think it's baby stealing?  Do you think parents who adopt are nothing more than legal guardians to the child? Do you believe that if you are not related through blood to a child, they will never be yours? I have also met several families who had children biologically and decided to also adopt. 

My personal thoughts are that this particular blogger is bitter. She has had something really awful happen to her and through her blog, she attracted others who were bitter and that only fueled the fire.  Even before our journey began, I believed in adoption as an option.  That's because I'm a Christian.  I believe that a family is created through love.  I believe that God wants the best for His children and when a biological parent is not able to provide what is best, there are those ready for the opportunity. 

I do NOT agree in finding children for a family.  A family should be found for a child.  I do NOT agree with mothers being manipulated into adoption.  It should be completely voluntary and they should be given honest and upfront information and answers. 

Chase and I did not CHOOSE anything that we have experienced.  God chose it for us. Foster to adopt was not something we had ever considered until we joined Homes4Good.  Now, I can't imagine our journey going in any other direction.  THIS is what we are supposed to do.  THIS is what God wants for us.  We are going to show a child God's unconditional love even if it's only for a short time.  We won't be perfect and it won't be easy, but we are ready.

"Give Us Clean Hands"

UPDATED 12/22/2011

It's only been a month and our entire life has been changed!  No, no baby YET (I'll get back to that later)!  The week before Thanksgiving, Z asked if she could come live with us.  She arrived on Tuesday, November 15 and started school the very next day!  It's definitely been a change but one that we welcomed with open arms!  We love having her here and we love how she has enriched our lives. She is a ball of energy and we are quickly learning boundaries and rules.  I think we have finally figured out a routine that seems to work out great for all of us! She's a great kid, though, and she is doing AWESOME in school!  She's already made a few friends and her teacher said she is doing great! Softball registration should be coming up in the spring and there is a fall soccer group so we are excited about getting her (and us) involved in some extra curricular activities! 

The other night I told Chase I never realized how boring my days had been until now! I am busy from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep and I truly love it! I never knew how much I was missing! Not only are Z and I having a great time bonding and growing together, Chase and I have experienced a new side to our relationship! I love watching him interact with her and I'm so proud of him for being such a great daddy!

In OTHER news....we are done! We have completely finished everything we needed to do to update our home study and transfer to Buckner.  Now it's in their hands.  They entered all of our info today and sent it to the state for approval.  They are telling us we should be approved (again) in the next week...or 2!  EEK!  It has been a YEAR since we began this process and we are sooooo ready to be done!!! I know the placement may not be fast and I definitely know the placement might not be permanent, but I'M SO EXCITED!!!!  With all of the hoopla going on with Z we lost sight of how quickly we may get ANOTHER child in the house! With that being said, I want to ask all of you to continue praying for us and our journey in growing our family and overall patience as we wait for the call.

One more note...STEFANIE COMES HOME TONIGHT!!!  I'm so excited to see her and hear all of her wonderful stories of how she shared the love of Jesus with those who may not have known Him!

Before I go, here are some quick pics of our beautiful tree and stockings!  I love decorating for Christmas and proud to announce that my shopping was done weeks ago! Zoren is with her mom for Christmas, but we will definitely be thinking of her and can't wait to see what Santa brings her!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

A stocking for each family member - Chloe, Chase, Zoren, Baby To Be, Lisa, Preston

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It"

Almost done...AGAIN! LOL! The next week consists of the following...adoption prep class, SAMA class, fingerprints, home visit, health inspection, home study interviews, fire inspection, and orientation (which should have been our first class...oops) and my very premature baby shower! WHEW! Feels like we've done this before! LOL!

This has been such a long journey and this is just the preparation period! I cannot wait to be updated. We aren't sure how long it will take from our last class (on the 15th), but I'm hoping that because we are already in the system, it will go fairly fast. Our hope is to be recertified by the end of November! That means that we have a pretty good chance of having a child in our house by Christmas! That's best case scenario...and that's what we are praying for!

I know this is not going to be easy, especially if that first child in our house isn't with us forever, but I'm hopeful. I'm 100% sure that our baby is out there somewhere, God is just preparing the perfect time for us to meet eachother.

I'm always amazed with our God. I'm amazed at how He uses the people in our lives to lead us to the exact spot He wants us to be. I would be no where near where I am today without God placing Chase in my life. When I trace back where I was to where I am, I have grown so much. My lifestyle has changed and my relationship with the Lord has changed. Everyday I'm learning a little more about who I am and who I want to be. This entire journey has been eye opening, to say the least. I know that we have been CHOSEN to grow our family this way. That is such a great feeling! Thank you Lord for every tear I've cried and every hug I've recieved. I have no doubt there are many more in my future!!!

"Strong Enough"

We had a meeting today at Buckner. We turned in our formal application and officially begin updating our file. The problem? Buckner has several classes they require that we have not completed and they aren't scheduled until mid NOVEMBER! We were hoping to be finished with our transfer by the end of October but it looks like the end of November (since they still have to have a home visit too)! So frustrating. I feel like all we've been doing is paperwork and waiting! No update on the "maybe baby" and we know better than to get our hopes up! God has a plan...we just have to find patience until it all unfolds!

Where the Sidewalk Ends

As some of you know, my wonderful sister, Stefanie, recently decided to answer the call to ministry. She left on Tuesday for Mozambique, South Africa to attend the Harvest School of Missions. I'm so proud of her and I'm so excited that she has been given this opportunity to serve the Lord and the people of Africa! She will be back in December, right before Christmas and I can't wait to hear all of her stories!!!

Now a not so interesting adoption update, but an update nonetheless! We are STILL waiting for our other agency to get our paperwork to Buckner. I have FINALLY completed our formal application and will be turning that in on Friday and meeting with the foster/adopt supervisor. I'm so ready to be done with paperwork...I feel like that's all we've done.

In other baby news, we have another "maybe baby". Those of you who've been reading know that we've had 2 "maybe" babies that ended with the mother deciding to parent. This current "maybe" baby is a huge shot in the dark. I have someone helping me to get her our information so that at the very least, we can meet. She's very young and already has a little boy that's a year old. Rumor has it that she's considering having someone become the forever family for both of them. All we can ask for right now are prayers...lots and lots of prayers. If all goes well, we'll also need a family attorney (if anyone knows one locally, let me know)!!!! Please add us to your prayer lists and thank you to our prayer warriors!!!!

We also need prayers for Chase's pawpaw! He's having a few health issues that have the doctors stumped so please pray that they will find something to help him and bring him back to good health. Other than that, no new Dodson family news. We are both really loving our new jobs and being so close to family. We've even made a few new friends! Yay!!! Hopefully I'll have more to update soon!!!!

"Blessings"

We officially changed our status. We turned in our application to Buckner to begin our foster to adopt journey!

For those of you just now reading this, we were previously only in the category for straight adoption through CPS. This means rights have already been terminated while in foster care and the child's social worker would have to CHOOSE us based on a variety of factors. We wanted a baby/toddler so this made it a bit more difficult for us (since there are very few babies in foster care with no parental rights).

Chase and I have only been waiting since April (when our home study was approved) so it really hasn't been too long, but we have come to realize how much we want a child in the house. We understand there may be some heartache involved along the way, but we truly feel like we are doing the right thing. We believe that whatever child is placed with us was chosen by the grace of God and we will have a chance to show that child what true love means, even if it's just for a short time! We are still trying to adopt, so we are praying that we will have a chance to create a forever family sooner rather than later.

Now that our application is submitted we just wait for Buckner to recieve our paperwork from H4G. We will have to update some things in our home study and as far as I know, we'll be ready to rock and roll. YAY! I'm so excited to use our nursery!!! Of course, we have NO baby stuff other than the bed so we should probably get started!

"The Only Exception"

Hello blog world! I just realized I haven't been all too great at updating lately! First of all, let me express how happy we are living close to family! Chase loves his new job and I am really starting to enjoy my job! Our house is adorable and everything is just falling into place!

We visited Chase's cousin last week who recently adopted a little boy through foster care and is currently fostering a 3 month old little boy! I learned so much from her and finally was able to ask questions to someone who is living it! It really helped us! It helped us so much that we have decided to change adoption agencies in October and switch to foster to adopt. Currently, we are only doing straight adoption - which could take forever with the age group we are requesting. We will keep our age under 2, but we will be open to fostering with the opportunity to adopt!

Chase has always been OK with that option. I was the one who needed convincing. I want to be a mom and God is just presenting me with an opportunity that is a little unconventional so I'm going to put my trust in Him as I've done this whole time. I'm so ready to have kids in the house. Nobody said our path was going to be easy. In fact, they promised it would not. They told us there would be ups and downs, emotional roller coasters, happiness and tears. Boy, they were not kidding. Chase is excited about our new adventure that definitely gets me excited too! We have 2 orientations we will be attending with Buckner and Grace Manor. I'm hopeful that we will feel at home with one of them! :)

In other family news, my sister will continue her journey with God in Mozambique! She is attending a missions school in Africa and will be gone for 3 months from October to December! I'm so proud of her and I am asking for you guys to add her to your prayer lists as she spreads the good news of the Lord far from home!

"Under the Table and Dreaming"

I try really hard to think positively. Honestly, I do! Today, though, was really hard. Cynthia emailed me to tell us that one of the children we were waiting for had been placed with her forever family. This was our 2nd rejection. Nobody likes rejection. It makes you feel less than worthy. It makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. What was it about our home study that made them look passed us? Did we do something wrong? Is the fact that I had cancer give them 2nd thoughts? Should we have answered a question differently? We have no idea.

Regardless of all of this, I still believe in God and I still believe in His plan for us.

On to other news in the Dodson household...we've moved!!! We are now living in Port Neches! Chase is working for HEB and he loves it. I'm working for a local dentist and so far so good, 3 days into it! :) We had Zoren with us the last 2 weeks and we definitely stayed busy with swimming, the beach, Nana and Pawpaw's house, the movies and just hanging out! The house is so quiet now. Even the dogs are having to adjust to the change!!! We also had our first visitors - Chase's mom, sister and my beautiful nephew!

I'm also happy to report that my dad's bypass surgery on July 13th went beautifully! Now the healing begins! He's still in some pain and had his staples taken out yesterday! EEK! It hurts me to even think about it! I just pray that he continues to take care of himself and doesn't take his heart for granted. I should start thinking about that too!

I'll update again soon with any new broadcasts or news! Thank you so much for your love, support and prayers!!!

"I Hope You Dance"

I'm prefacing this entry by apologizing. I apologize for the whiney, cry baby, feel sorry for myself, really pathetic words that are about to pour out of my fingers.

AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! That's me crying and screaming all at once. I can't stand it. Today I found myself sitting in the empty baby room trying to take the crib apart when suddenly tears started running down my cheek. I know I've said this before many, many times and I have no doubt that I will say this again many, many times.....it's not fair! It's not fair that I don't get to have a conventional baby shower; it's not fair that I don't get to see an ultrasound; it's not fair that I don't get to put a real due date on a baby registry; it's not fair that I feel like my "expectancy" is less important than someone with a big belly; it's not fair that I'm not excited to go to baby showers. AAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Instead I have to sit here and wait. I have to sit here and wait for some STRANGER to decide whether or not I'm even suitable to BE a parent! Like right now. We are sitting around, twiddling our thumbs waiting to hear back about the 2 babies we were submitted for. We just wait. No, it's not like waiting the 9 months before having a baby. It's not even close to the same. Pregnant women KNOW they are having a baby. We have NO idea IF we are having a baby! Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I just get pregnant like everyone else?

On a side note, Chase hates when I have "bad blog days"! :) LOL!!! I think it helps me to get through this whole crazy thing called life. It keeps me from laying around the house, crying all day. Believe me, I've felt like that before. I refuse to be depressed about this. I refuse to give up faith. I'm only human, though. I have emotions and right now they are sad.

"Last Friday Night"

The title of this entry really makes no sense to what I'm writing, but I love me some Katy Perry and this is the song playing right now.

God is funny! I love how He has set up our lives like a giant obstacle course. No really, I love it! It keeps us on our toes...it tests our faith in Him...it makes us better people. I also love how He places people in our lives at the exact moment we need them. For example: Chase. I love who I've become since I met Chase. My life took a very sudden and unexpected turn when I met him. We are coming up on our 3rd anniversary in September and it feels like we've been together for an eternity! We've been through so much in the past few years that would have usually created a fragile relationship and yet our love for eachother and for God has only gotten stronger. Those obstacle courses are all over our lives! We approach each one carefully, work our way through it and come out at the end ready to conquer the next. If we didn't have a wonderful and beautiful God watching over us, I don't think we could have made it this far! "Savior please, keep saving me"!!

So onto adoption news! We are still waiting on 2 of the 3 broadcasts we were submitted to. We found out last week that one of the little girls found a forever family! That was our first "no" and we handled it beautifully! Of course, nobody likes rejection, but it is what it is! It only means our precious angel is still out there waiting for us! KEEP ON PRAYIN'!!!! We also found out that our agency in Conroe will continue to work with us once we move! I'm so relieved! Now we start moving our lives and ALL of our STUFF once again! At least this time,we'll have LOTS of family around us for support!!

I want to put a prayer request out there for those of you who read this! My dad is soon going to schedule his bypass surgery so we need some prayers to be sent up for my dad's health, safety and quick recovery AND also for the surgeon - that God will watch over him and guide his hand as he heals my daddy's heart!

"Wherever You Will Go"

Since my last post, we've recieved 2 more broadcasts. We said yes to both of them. We are suckers. I had a bit of hesitation to one but we said yes anyway. We found out today that we were not chosen for her. God shows himself more and more everyday. I am now 100% confident that He has our baby picked out for us. We just have to remember that and to practice our patience. I have a wonderful sense of peace about this whole experience. It's actually quite enjoyable. I don't have any stress. I think I've finally learned how to give it all to God...well...most of it! :)

Other big news in the Dodson family...WE'RE MOVING! Chase was offered a great opportunity with HEB and it just so happens to be in Beaumont! The day he got his offer, I started to send our my resume to a couple of positions I saw advertised. The next day, I got a phone call to set up an interview. Two days later, I drove to Beaumont for an interview and by 7:00pm that same night, I HAD A JOB! God answers prayers and clears paths that we would have never thought possible. Add to that - my parents have a townhouse on the market for about a year now, so we'll be able to live there until it sells! YAY!!!!

I'm off to pack now...we have a lot of work ahead of us! I'll update soon...hopefully with some really great news!!!!

"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet"

I don't know if any of you have known anyone or been involved in adoptions through the state. If you have, you will understand what the past 2 days have been like for us. If not, you have NO idea how our lives have been turned upside down...in the best possible way! :) Let me tell you how that past few days have been...

I finally got around to bringing our scrapbook to the agency. This is what CPS will look at along with our home study to make decisions. We hadn't had any "broadcasts" (profiles of children looking for a family) and didn't think it would happen for a while so I thought I had plenty of time. As I was driving back to work from dropping the book off, Cynthia, our family specialist, gave me a call to verify my email address. No biggie. I get to work and check my email to find our very first BROADCAST!!!! A BEAUTIFUL little boy - one year old - perfectly healthy and happy - rights already terminated which means straight adoption. I called Chase and very quickly told her YES, we are interested! Now we wait! Our home study has been submitted and CPS will take the next several weeks to look everything over. They will then choose 3 families. The case workers for these 3 families will appear before CPS on behalf of the families and a decision will be made. GEEZ!!!

I'm not getting my hopes up. I know that if this little boy is meant to be ours, He will make it happen. If not, it just means that our baby is still out there!!!

THEN we got another phone call this evening from Cynthia. This one was much different. A newborn baby needs a foster home. The only information she had was that the baby is the 12th child of this mother, no drugs in the system and is being released from the hospital tomorrow. I called Chase frantically and after a super quick discussion, we decided no. We aren't ready for the emergency calls. We knew they were possible, just not ready for the real thing. We are creating our game plan tomorrow in case we get another phone call like that! I'm confident that when the right situation presents itself, we'll know...without hesitation!

Please pray for us. I faithfully and whole heartedly believe in the power of prayer. It works.

I'll update with any new news or information I receive! G'night! :)

"Head Over Feet"

When I think really really hard, I can remember when things weren't so stressful. I remember when my primary concern was what to wear to school in the morning or what I was going to do for the weekend. I remember when everything was easy. I know at the time, I thought it was so difficult and so unfair. Why is it that we can't recognize the ease of life until it's too late? I'm ready for my life to get easy. I'm ready for things to calm down and really enjoy the blessings that I have been given. I'm ready to have our family complete, I'm ready to spend more time with my husband, I'm ready to settle down, I'm ready! I feel like I'm waiting for something to come along and make it all smooth. I know that in reality, there will always be something and I just need to get out there and make the most of my life because it will all soon pass me by.

I received another phone call today. This time it was from our Family Specialist, Cynthia. I remembered her from one of our training classes and she remembered us (probably because I ask so many questions). She is an adoption specialist. They had some questions regarding whether we should be with an adoption specialist or a foster to adopt specialist. The fact that we ultimately want to adopt is what made the final decision. She explained how the process would go and clarified a lot of my concerns. I asked if we would know the date for TPR if we foster to adopt legal risk, I asked what the liklihood of having a newborn would be and I asked how we get chosen if we say yes to a "broadcast"! WHEW! It was a lot to take in and I admit that it got me a bit emotional. I was trying not to let her know, but I think she heard it in my voice - it was just so overwhelming. She said "this is going to be an emotional time for the both of you and you need to be sure you are praying and talking"!

I know that I'm much more emotional than Chase, especially when it comes to things like this. I always feel a bit insecure whenever I open up to him about my feelings because I'm not sure if he would understand. Now don't get me wrong, he has never made me FEEL insecure, I think that's just me being afraid of opening up too much. I remember writing a blog years ago about my guard that I would put up. I didn't want anyone to know what I was feeling because I believed that would keep me from being hurt. It was easier not to involve anyone in my personal life and I was coming to terms with being single for the rest of my life. Then I met Chase. I can't be like that with Chase. He's my husband and I fell in love with him because he made me feel comfortable and because I know he loves with without any reservation.

Each person I've spoken to at our agency has ended the phone calls pretty much the same. PRAY! I pray every day. It's my own time with God and I can talk to Him about anything and everything. I thank him for my blessings and offer up any worry and concern and every now and then I cry. I'm just not so great at letting ALL of the worry and concern go. I've asked Chase to start praying with me. It's something we've always wanted to do and then we let life get in the way. Too tired, too late, too early, too lazy. We've had every excuse you can think of. We have too much going on in our lives to take prayer for granted. He listens...He guides...He answers prayers....He provides miracles and blessings...He takes away our pain and worry.

"Can't Fight This Feeling"

I got a phone call today. It was from a very sweet lady named Linda from Homes 4 Good! I wasn't sure what I expected her to say, but I'm sure I had some sort of excitement in my voice when I said "HI"! She introduced herself and simply said "I wanted to welcome you to Homes 4 Good"! She then went on to answer pretty much every single question I've had to this point!

As of Wednesday, when we get our state number, we will be official! BUT since everything is approved and entered, they will begin looking for a placement asap! I have to admit, I got a little teary when I heard her say that! Of course, I must also be realistic about the whole thing! We are being pretty specific and ultimately want to adopt so that puts us in a very long list of parents. She explained how the next few steps will look.
1. We will be assigned a Family Specialist by Tuesday!
2. We will have our official number by Wednesday!
3. We wait for the perfect situation for both us and the child!

She said her rule of thumb is to think 9 months from now, like a pregnancy. If something happens before that time, then great! If not, then at least we have mentally prepared ourselves. She described it as a giant gray area in our lives, but that we need to keep moving on and praying!

Since we want to adopt and not just foster, there are 2 ways this could go for us. The first situation would be a straight adoption. That means that the parental rights have already been terminated and the baby is ready to be adopted. If we say YES, then our home study will be sent to the state and they will decide on three parents. Then the family specialists would go in and essentially "fight" for her couple. UGH! This usually takes about a week, from what I understand! The child in these situations are rarely under 18 months old.

The other situation woudl be legal risk foster to adopt. This means that the baby is in foster care, but the parents are making no effort to regain custody. Although it's not official, the state would place this child in the legal risk category with the anticipation of adoption. This could also take about a year or so, but we have a better chance of this placement being a younger infant. We ALSO have the chance of the child going back to his/her bio family. If we get this type of phone call, we must decide immediately, otherwise other parents will say yes and we will go back into the pool of waiting parents!

We are in a situation that has not been easy from the very beginning! I'm taking all of this and giving all of my worry and concern to God. It's not my choice. It's never been my choice. God has given us a path and free will. We have taken what He's given us and made the best of it. I'm so blessed to have a husband and family that is supportive and excited about this journey we are on. I can't believe we are finally to this point.

I got an email from ANLC the other day. It made me a bit sad because I know that if we had gone with them, we would probably already have a baby. I just can't justify going into such debt just to become parents. I wish we had the money to move forward with them, but those just were the cards we were dealt. And that's ok.

"Don't Hide Your Shine"

There is a wonderful blog that I follow and her most recent post was a request for blogging women to brag about themselves...more specifically their bodies! EEK! We, as women, have been judged and tormented for not being perfect since we were little girls. It's quite ridiculous! I feel so sorry for our little girls KNOWING what they will be facing once that innocence has worn off. All we can do is prepare them to be confident and to understand that God made each one of us in His likeness...and that is why we are all different! As Chase can attest, I am always griping about how awful my body is so I'm a little nervous to start discussing the good things...but here I go!

1. My smile - I seem to get the most compliments on my smile! I always knew it was big, but I never really thought about it being pretty. Now that I work in the dental field, I'm must more conscious of it and much more appreciative!

2. My scars - I used to be very aware of the scar on my chest, but when I talked about removing it, Chase said "but it's part of you". That's true! It's been there for as long as I can remember and it's a great conversation piece! I told one patient that a vampire bit me! She laughed so hard! :) My other scars were granted to me through bike riding (or falling), slicing a chicken breast and getting cookies out of an oven. My most recent scars were the ones I thought I'd never overcome. I have five 1 inch scars all over my abdomen. These are my battle wounds. It shows that I wasn't afraid to overcome my cancer and I'm proud to wear them!

3. My legs - I love that they LOOK athletic when, in fact, I'm not an overall very athletic person! :) They need some fat reduction and toning in some areas, but otherwise, I'm very happy with my legs. I had a friend in high school who would tell me how she wished she had my legs. I never understood why...I thought I was fat! See...there's that girl thing again!

4. My ears - they don't stick out, they are not too big or too small. They are just perfect. YAY!

5. My feet - as much as other people's feet disgust me (except for Z's...they are so cute), mine aren't too bad. I don't have weird shaped toes or too many or few! I love getting pedicures because I'm not ashamed of my feet!

WHEW!!! There we go! That was a lot easier than I thought it would be!

On a different note - our home study is scheduled for Wednesday, April 27 at 1:30! I'm not very nervous. I've decided that this is all God's call! We just need to be open and honest and God will take care of the rest. I think it should take about a month to find out if we are approved! Lots of prayers, please!!!! :)

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Easter weekend!

"Beautiful Disaster"

So I really don't have anything to write about today other than this is my first entry with my BRAND NEW iPad!!!!!! I totally love it. I've already played angry birds, set up Skype and email and just added some pictures! Oh yea...this is going to be addicting.

"We are the Champions"

My pictures are a little out of order, but I just don't feel like deleting or moving them or whatever! :) So March 20 was Warrior Dash! We finished in 54 minutes but at least we finished...or better yet, I FINISHED! It was a lot harder than I thought and I'll never take 3 miles for granted again!! I'm already training for the Warrior Dash in Cedar Creek in November! YAY! Chase is planning to run the Tough Mudder in October which is about 10+ miles...YUCK!! :)

We also had our 2nd annual BBQ at our place on March 26! We had a great turn out and it was so good to see everyone!! THEN April 3rd we had Chase's family reunion (no pictures up yet)! WHEW! What a busy month!!! Now we have begun packing the house to move on May 1! I'm excited about the house, but NOT excited about packing. So far Zoren's room is the only room packed!!!

OH...and still waiting on our case worker to schedule our home study! UGH!!!!!!!!

Ryan, Lacey, Aunt Zita and mom at the BBQ The old BBB crew at the BBQ!

Chase fixin' some burger and hot dogs!!!

My Medal!!! YAY!!!

Chase, me, Melanie and Jared! SO proud of us!

Me and Melanie with our side pony tails - in front of all the donated shoes!

FINISHED!!!!

Our future warrior!!!!!!

An Act of God

"Childbirth is an act of nature, but Adoption is an act of God"

"Welcome to the Jungle"

I have no idea where I left off with my last entry, so I apologize if I repeat anything. An update on our status...we are now waiting for a case worker to be assigned to us and set up our home study! FINALLY!!! Z had her TB test results read today so we are officially DONE with all of that stuff! UNTIL we move! We found a house (for lease) in Houston...way north Houston off of 1960. It's a great neighborhood and a fabulous house perfectly in our price range (not to mention it's 2800 sq ft and 4 bedrooms...YAY)!! Chase still does not want to look at buying a house just yet. We aren't really sure where we will be in the next year with his job! Of course, my hope is that we'd be in Dallas, but more than likely, we'll still be here!!!

So when we move, then we have a few things we need to redo. I already have a floor plan and property outline ready to go, I've already been in touch with the Houston Health Dept for our inspection letter and I've already printed up the fire inspection app. I'm so ready to go when as soon as we move.

We are running the Warrior Dash this weekend! EEK! I'm not really nervous...just anxious! I know I can get through it, it's all mental! Maybe not ALL mental, but mostly...the rest is stamina! :) I think I'm gonna hurt after this!!! I'm sure I'll have some great pictures to post next week!

We've had Z now for almost a week and so far so good! We've had a few discussions on our parenting/discipline techniques which is great. These times with her are definitely helping us to figure out how we tackle different child scenarios! We've also had some fun too! I took Zoren to have her first pedicure! She LOVED it! We've also Skyped with my mom quite a bit so she gets to chat with her and catch up. Tonight is game night which may end up turning into bowling, but it will be fun regardless! And the biggest event of the week is that Z learned how to ride a 2 wheeler! She caught on really fast and I'm so happy Chase was able to share that experience with her! Here are some pics and videos of our week so far!

"Breakfast at Tiffanys"

I was very proud of me this week!! I FINALLY had my TB test done so we are one step closer to closing that door (Chase is having his done today)! I also wrote my first disgruntled email and GOT A RESPONSE!!! We have been waiting since November to receive Chase's divorce decree. After several phone calls with nothing being done, I finally tracked down the email for the district clerk in Dallas County. And what do ya know, Chase got a phone call Monday morning saying they were sending out that day! Pretty darn proud!

SO...once we get the testing completed and the decree is received, then we get on the list to have our home study completed! I'm sooo ready!!! I even ordered my crib bedding the other day! LOL!!! I thought, why not? I have the crib I may as well put some bedding in it! I'll have to take some pictures of the nursery...you'd think we have a baby about to come home to live in it. Chase and I joke that baby Greyson will have an awesome room when he comes to visit!!! :)

I have been noticing that I'm not so sad anymore. I'm not sure why, but it's nice. I get tired of being upset or sad when it comes to babies. I don't know if it's just because I've been so busy that I haven't had time to think about it or my grieving is finally under control (not gone, though).

I have a friend who was just told that all of their efforts to conceive have failed. I know what the feeling of loss is, but I don't know what it feels like to not know why you are experiencing that loss. I am a great listener, but all I can really do is listen and be there. I guess I'm blessed, in a way, to KNOW why I can't conceive. It all sucks, regardless, but I'm sure she is so confused right now. I feel for her...she has a long journey ahead but I know they are a strong couple and will be just fine!

Well...back to work (I'm at lunch)! I'll update in the next week - hopefully saying that all of our stuff is turned in and home study scheduled! We may be getting Zoren next week for spring break too, so I guarantee I'll have some fun pictures to post!

Til next time...

"Bring the Rain"

What a fabulous weekend! My sister in law, Kasey, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last night! I love him so much and I did NOT want to put him down! She had a pretty rough night and ended up having a C section at 10pm - but mommy and baby are doing great!!!!

I'm proud to say that I didn't have any "woe is me" moments this weekend. I was so excited about this baby and becoming an aunt, my issues were the last thing on my mind! I'll be honest, though, I can't wait for it to be our turn! I also can't wait to see Greyson again soon and to finally have him meet his Uncle Chase!!!!

So I heard this song on the way home tonight! It's called "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me! It was one of those songs that really spoke to me. It was almost like I had written the lyrics...like that were taken straight from my heart! Through all of the hardships Chase and I have come face to face with, I have never blamed God or turned my back on him. Instead, I've trusted that He has something wonderful for us. He is always testing our faith and He is always by our side!

Here are the lyrics:

"I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can cirumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, Oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray"

"Bittersweet Symphony"

I am proud to announce that we have everything except for 2 things completed before we schedule our home study!!! We are STILL waiting on Chase's divorce decree (which was requested and paid for in NOVEMBER) and we need to get our TB tests done! Once we finish that, we schedule our home study! EEK! The approval process is about a month after that, then we meet with our case worker and get the ball rolling. I told Chase that I would feel more comfortable TRYING straight adoption first and if we get no response after a few months, then we can switch to foster to adopt (which has a much faster placement).

I'm not as nervous or anxious about the process as I was in the beginning. I'm ready to have a baby, but it will all happen when it's supposed to! I have to admit, though, I still have problems hearing about people who are pregnant. I'm not angry or resentful (as I have been in the past), I'm just a little sad. But I get over it and move on. This is MY journey. Everyone has something different planned for their life. Ours is just a little different. There is one thing that DOES make me angry...all of these reports about parents killing their babies or squeezing their heads or dumping them in the trash! WHAT????? GIVE THEM TO ME! I know, I know...life isn't fair, but that is pure evil!

Our 2nd Annual BBQ is coming up - Saturday, March 26 is the date! Last year we had it at the end of April and it was sooo hot, so we are trying a little earlier this year! Hopefully we'll have a great turn out, but still waiting on a TON of people to reply (you know who you are)!! :)

I still have a lot of "support adoption" bracelets! With every $5 donation, you get a bracelet! Pass it along - I really want to get rid of all of them!

Have a great weekend!!

"Better Than A Hallelujah"

Our 2nd fundraiser was a HUGE success! On January 22 we held a garage sale fundraiser at my parent's home in Port Neches! In the super cold weather, we raised a little over $2000!!! This could NOT have been done without the generous donations from so many people (and even the ones we didn't have room for)! More than that, though, we could not have done this without the generous donation of time from our wonderful family and friends. They devoted their entire weekend to helping us set up and sell our items. I hope each one of you know how much your time and kindness mean to us! We are so lucky to have you all in our lives and we will eternally thank you for your selflessness! We will make this up to you and truly show our gratitude, but until then, know that you are FABULOUS and we love each one of you more than you can imagine!!! We definitely had a great time - from setting it up all night and FREEZING to getting in trouble by the cops for hanging signs!!!! :)

Our next fundraiser (most likely) will be a link sale! I'll keep you guys updated on all of our upcoming fundraiser events!

Kylee - she may be small, but she was a hard worker!

The cars lining the streets and around the block!

Stuff...lots and lots of stuff (and Mima)

Our shirts!! Everyone who participated got an "Operation Baby Dodson" shirt!

Our wonderful volunteers with our beautiful sign created by Lacey!

"Only You Can Save"

Well...I had one of THOSE moments again today! I felt sorry for myself...and sadly, resentful toward others. I can't seem to really understand why today, of all days, this hit me because I came home to a beautiful crib assembled in our nursery-to-be (hopefully)! I just keep seeing these "i'm pregnant" or "look at my belly" posts! UGH!!! I know it's not anyone's fault that I feel this way, it's just me - I am honestly very very happy for every one of my friends expecting a baby - it's jealousy...just jealousy. I wish someone could understand without thinking that I'm just being mean or selfish! I know I'll get over it and I usually don't even think about it but every now and then I remember that I will never be able to experience finding out I'm pregnant or listening to the heart beat or feeling a kick or knowing what our baby would look like. Then I remind myself that God has chosen us to be parents to a child that needs a home and that we have been blessed with the ability to share our love and support with them. When I see it like that, I can't help but thank God for choosing me!

So I made my New Years resolution and losing weight is NOT on the list - I think it should just be a given. I want to create a closer relationship with Jesus Christ, I want to start doing to regular devotionals with Chase, I want us to be licensed to adopt by the end of January and I want to start running 5Ks. A recent addition to that is to participate in the Tough Mudder(http://www.toughmudder.com/) in November! We'll have to see how that one goes...but Chase is very convinced that he's going to do it!!

Speaking of New Years...my mom had a fabulous NYE party! It was a 70's theme party and everyone looked fantastic and had a great time! Christmas was also pretty great...although it was the first year I can remember that my family was not all in one place! We'll be celebrating Christmas this weekend with Chase's family so we're looking forward to that!


We ALSO have our Adoption Fundraiser garage sale coming up on January 22! It will be in Port Neches at my mom's house so if anyone is in the area, please come by! We will have SO much stuff to sale and it's going toward a wonderful cause!

I'll be back soon, I'm sure, with updates about the garage sale as well as how we are doing in our adoption process!!!!

"The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

Well Heather, you inspired me to post another blog entry (just by asking about it lol)!!! So...I asked for a crib for Christmas! Is that a little presumptuous?? I am so anxious, I just can't stand it! If it were up to me, I would already have that extra room cleaned out and set up as a nursery! Chase is probably surprised it hasn't been converted already! LOL! I sent a picture of the crib I wanted to my mom (hint hint) and then showed her the bedding I liked too...you know...just in case!!!

We had a meeting with Pastor Conn on Thursday (he's one of our adoption referrals). It was so great! He just asked us about our spirituality and what brought us to adoption. It was definitely what we needed. He let us talk...about everything...but mostly about how we feel about our faith and family. I felt so much closer to Chase after that meeting too.

A woman from church is doing foster to adopt and the little boy placed with her in October ended up going back to his bio family. These are the stories that make me nervous. I'm so scared it's going to happen to us. AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!! If I could have my own baby, this would be so much easier. Isn't that the phrase of the day!?!?! I'm trying not to obsess about this whole thing. I'm just going to go with the flow...get all of our licensing finished and then PATIENTLY wait!

So...we have a new addition to our family (no, not another dog)! A new car! I love it - it's a Nissan Murano! My car was finally starting to see the light and more problems than it was worth so I decided to start looking around. It was really quite spontaneous, but a wonderful decision - it was going to happen eventually! I also went shopping for dvd players for the car and ended up getting 2 screens that go on the back of the headrests. I know we usually only have Z in the back, but you never know!!! Honestly, I just like looking for reasons to shop...LOL!!! I also picked up a few more Christmas presents - but I feel like we still have a ton to get!!! :)

Til next time...

"Poker Face"

Well...we are right smack in the middle of our licensing process with Homes 4 Good! We have loved every minute of it and we are learning so much! On the other hand...I'm stressed to the max! I eat, drink and sleep adoption. I think about every possible scenario and it drives me crazy! I think I need to find a support group! I'm a girl of guarantees. I don't like the "what ifs" which really sucks because that seems to be what life is all about. LOL!

Anyway, we are finishing up our classes and all we have left are the inspections and a couple of loose ends! YAY! Once we have everything turned in, we'll schedule our home study! I'm so ready! WOOHOO!!!

We finally made it to one of Ryan's football games! It was sooo cold but it was a fantastic game! We also had a great time hanging out with Annie, Kasey and Zoren!

I want to send a big thank you to everyone who have made a donation to our adoption fund! I have a TON of bracelets left so pass the word around and email me with any questions! dodsonadoption@gmail.com


Wow...this was a really boring post! :) Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to post in the next few weeks!

"Into the Groove"

We decided to give this whole adopting through the state another try. We went to Homes 4 Good last night. It was referred to us by a coworker of mine. We really really liked it! I am still in love with ANLC (and we have all of our paperwork turned in, still waiting on the money, though), but I felt very comfortable with this new place. The guy teaching the orientation was very laid back which made it far more comfortable to ask questions. I also felt comforted that there were several couples who wanted the same thing out of this as we did. I asked about having a preference in age and he said it won't be a problem. We may have to wait longer if we go straight adoption, but it's not out of the question.

He also explained foster to adopt and legal risk ALOT better than the woman at CC. He explained it so well, we are actually considering it. We can still be particular with age and if we are open to sibling groups, it also increases our chances of a quick placement. Legal risk is basically a classification. It means that the parental rights are already or in the process of being relinquished. So ideally, we could do foster to adopt with legal risk children under the age of 2. Wow. That is exciting!

We already finished our application and few of the other forms that need to be completed. We have a class tomorrow specifically for adoption so we can turn some of the forms in then. We still have to go through PRIDE classes, but they are only 3 nights next week in Conroe instead of 2 times a week for 4 weeks ALL over Houston, which is what we would have had to do with CC! We still have one other class to go to and we need to get CPR certified! So much to do, but I feel so much more in control.

Like I said earlier, we are still totally in love with ANLC. Our Plan B (Plan A was going solely through ANLC) is going through Homes 4 Good and continue our fundraising to eventually go through ANLC! That gives us a little time to raise some money while still growing our family!

In other news...my engine light came on the other day and the car people said for $700 they can fix my car. HA! We totally were thinking like $300...um, we were wrong! I'm thinking we can probably bring that estimate to some other shops and see if they can do it a little less expensive! I vote that I get a new car. Chase does not agree! :(

I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow to update our FFF class (the one for adoptive parents)! If you are interested in our fundraising bracelets, email me at dodsonadoption@gmail.com. ALSO...we have a new fan page on Facebook called Operation Baby Dodson - search it and "like" it then pass it on! Thanks!

Goodnight!

FUNDRAISING TIME!

Ok people! The time has come to begin our fundraising adventure! I have "support adoption" bracelets available for a $5 donation! Please email me or text/call if you are interested! They are super cute and for a great cause! We appreciate your help in growing our family!!!

"After All"

Our first step in fundraising was completed today. We opened an Adoption Fund account. We are going to make our own monthly contributions, of course, but I feel so much better about beginning our fundraisers now that I have a secure place to deposit the funds. It's at Wells Fargo under the name Lisa Dodson Adoption Fun - I'll put the information at the end of the post! Chase said he wasn't offended that his name wasn't in the title (since we could only put the primary holders name on it) LOL!!! He's such a team player! :)


So, with our current financing road block, we've decided to ONCE AGAIN look at foster to adopt situations. A girl I work with recommended a local organization in Conroe called Homes 4 Good (homes4good.org). She went through them and loved it! I'm going to give them a call to check on some specifics (age, siblings, etc) before we go because we don't want to waste our time like we did with Catholic Charities. If we were millionaires, this whole process would be so much easier, but it seems that the issue of money keeps creeping up on us!

Well, my mom is coming in town tomorrow and I'm so excited to have a visitor! WOOHOO!!! And after that, every weekend through November and December is PACKED with lots of traveling - Austin, Dallas, Port Neches...so much to do! Maybe all of the events will help to get my mind off of baby stuff!!!!

Here's our adoption account information for anyone interested in helping us grow our family...

Wells Fargo

Lisa Dodson Adoption Fund

Account# 6606421482

Til then.....

"Hokey Pokey"

Ok...WOW!! Today is a much better day - and although I'm not going to edit my last entry, I do apologize for my ranting. I am definitely not the one who needs to be judging others. I was being selfish and mean and I am truly sorry. I've been exploring some other options just in case our plan of going through ANLC does not come to bloom! I don't like to think of myself as an IMPATIENT person, I am an ACTION person! LOL! I can't sit around and twiddle my thumbs...I have to keep researching. I'm still sad, but that's not going to make us a family! I would appreciate you guys sending our website to anyone you know who might be thinking about adoption or if you work in a hospital or school! Our adoption website is http://dodsonadoption.blogspot.com/

I'll keep you guys updated with what I find...

**I just read through some old posts and I cannot believe how much this blog has changed over the past year or so! Thank you to those who continue to read it even though sometimes I just repeat myself over and over and most of the time, I probably don't make a whole lot of sense! :) I'll be sure to edit alot when I turn it into a book! LOL! I love y'all!**

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

"Tripping Billies"

If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm ALMOST totally convinced we are just not supposed to have a baby. I can't handle anymore disappointment. I'm so depressed right now...without even thinking about it, my eyes will well up with tears. This afternoon we got the news that we were not able to get the full amount we needed for the adoption. We didn't have a back up plan. I refuse to wait a year or MORE to raise the money (which seems virtually impossible to raise that much money) and I'm just so tired. I'm tired of researching, I'm tired of getting my hopes up, I'm tired of being disappointed, I'm just plain tired. This is the same feeling I had when I found out I had cancer. I can't stop crying. I know it's mostly because I'm feeling sorry for myself.

And I'm mad. I'm so EFFING mad! We work hard for what we have...2 cars, a house, a wonderful family support, 2 really good incomes...yet we can't have a baby. Then there are those kids out there who think it's so cute to get pregnant and they can't even take care of the baby. We have to have a FBI background check, a child abuse registry check, some lady come to our house and interview us, go before a judge and come up with $25,000 to have a baby.

I know I'm better than this, but this is what I'm feeling right now. I'm so upset...so sad...so tired. This is so hard. I'm exhausted. I worry about this all day long. It's all I think about. I try to imagine not being a mother and although I know I'll be ok (WE will be ok), it hurts my heart so much! I will never forsake God and I will always believe that he has a plan for us. I'll never blame Him or turn my back on Him. I will continue to pray and lift my worries to Him and I will continue to ask you guys for prayers as well. I'm just sad. I'll get over it and by the next entry, I may be a whole different person. But for now, I'm sad.

"There's a Tear in my Beer"

SO...I had the pleasure of spending 4 hours with the lovely people of Montgomery County today as I waited to get my drivers license! With that being said, I kept myself busy...and entertained, by jotting down a few things I saw while sitting in the DPS office...

1. Cute little boy with a dinosaur on his shirt

2. More tatoos than I had EVER seen in my entire life!

3. A lady in desperate need of a pedicure...her heels made me hurt

4. A SUPER tiny hispanic baby I would have taken in a heartbeat (no...i will not be stealing a baby)

5. Four people pulling up, looking at the line and leaving...like it will ever be shorter...ever!

6. A woman getting yelled at for sitting on some rocks AKA a monument. The man went so far as to call a cop over to tell her to move

7. Met the sweetest girls at the crime lab (I got my finger prints done while I was waiting)

8. A man with just 3 or 4 teeth...I almost offered my card

9. A 3 engine train with no caboose...highly disappointing

10. Some kid (2 years old) who assumed I could speak spanish

11. A REALLY bad parking job in a handicap spot...they looked just fine to me

12. A girl with GIGANTIC ear hole things...like the kind that stretch your earlobes (have no idea what those are called)

13. A man with an ankle bracelet...and not as a voluntary accessory

14. A woman with a hole in her leggings...in the seam perfectly placed along her backside

and last, but not least

15. A Bluebonnet Cafe t-shirt - SHOUT OUT TO MARBLE FALLS!!!

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Matthew 18:5

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

"Praise You in this Storm"

I don't really know what to write about today, but obviously "Juno" provoked some kind of urge to write. I'm getting so incredibly antsy but I'm beginning to feel a huge sense of anxiety as well. I'm not worried about the home study or the wait...I'm so scared about the money. I want to be a mommy so bad but I'm so scared it's going to put us in incredible debt. We have been toying around with some fundraising ideas and I know of some grants that can be applied for once our home study is completed and approved. I suppose we would then need to get a loan for the rest. UGH! The upside is that there IS a tax credit up to $12000 which can just go back in to paying off the loan! I'm trying to stay positive, but my goodness, this is all very overwhelming.

We have a phone consultation with Adoption Network Law Center on Monday. I'm making an extensive list of questions as we speak! I have a really good feeling about them because this is the 2nd time I've been told to look into them by 2 different couples who adopted through them. I spoke to an agency in Dallas last week and got a really bad vibe so when I spoke with someone from ANLC and they were so nice and informative, I felt a sense of peace.

If anyone reading this can think of some fundraising ideas, please pass them along. We are already planning a spaghetti dinner/silent auction as soon as we are approved and begin the waiting process. I was also thinking about a gigantic community garage sale and I found a place to design those bracelets (like the Livestrong) that we could sale as well! Oh, so many ideas...I just hope something works out. As one of my coworkers said, if this is what God has intended for us, then nothing can stop it from happening!

Matthew 17:20

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there', and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

"What Do I Know of Holy"

Today was my first day at my new job. I love my title. Office/Marketing Director. It sounds so grown up! :) It was very overwhelming, but I think I'll get the hang of it sooner or later! I'm learning how to use a Mac which is a whole new world! I get off at 4pm Monday - Thursday and 12pm on Friday,

so who am I to complain!!!?

I also spoke with the woman from Catholic Charities. Chase and I have been so prepared to turn in our paperwork on the 13th and now we seem to be looking in a different direction. She basically told me that if we weren't willing to foster or at least up our age limit to 10, we may want to look at a different agency. I was appalled! This is the 2nd time they have rejected us even though we've been pretty open minded so I'm done. I spoke with a woman from Lifetree out of Dallas. They have an A+ rating with the BBB so that makes me feel reassured. Robin, the woman I spoke with, told me to email her with my questions so HOPEFULLY the fees are not SO outrageous. Although now I'm back to exploring options that will cost money, the up side is that we may now have an option to have a newborn. That would be awesome.

So as much as I'm loving my new work schedule, it's funny how quickly my weekends fill up. Kasey (my sister in law) is getting married so I have her bachelorette party and wedding, a "going away" party for me and Melanie with our group of friends from Bed Bath and Beyond, my grandma may be coming to visit and I think Zoren will be having a birthday party sometime at the end of next month. That is just September/October! Whew!

The hosts of Kasey's bridal shower

Oh...I also worked the Cancer Resource Table at church this past Sunday and we spoke with 2 people. I think it's a great ministry and I'm so proud to be part of it. Next week is my first week to work in the children's ministry! Wish me luck! LOL!!!