5 years ago today I had a surgery that would change my life forever. I thought I would never get to experience being a mom and I would forever be missing a huge piece of my life. We were moving to Texas the next week and although I was so excited, the entire experience was very bitter sweet. The months leading up to this surgery are still crystal clear in my mind. I remember the day I got my initial diagnosis - my sweet friend Janet sitting next to me at work. I remember my first oncology appointment on my 30th birthday and how I was so lost trying to find his office that I forgot why I was going. I remember ignoring the fact I was just told that I had cancer and I was more concerned with having a baby. I remember taking a pill 4 times a day for 3 months in hopes that this hail mary would actually make a difference. I remember flying to MD Anderson for a 2nd opinion and sitting around a big round table with Chase and my mom as the dr. confirmed everything we had already been told and that they had no treatment other than surgery and/or chemo. I remember the day of the final biopsy with high hopes only to find out the cancer was still there and I needed to act fast. Finally, I remember going into the hospital the day of surgery and realizing I would never have my own children but that I had a chance at being cancer free.
The morning of my surgery 12/14/2009
I write all of this as I hear my 3 kiddos running around behind me all needing something different from me. I hear A asking for something to eat - B is quietly playing with his cars - D is running around scaring everyone with a sword. 5 years ago I never thought any of this would be possible. God has a way of flipping things upside down. I should have known better than to believe that my ideas of how my life would turn out was the only way. We know the boys won't be with us forever, but that precious, chatty little girl is forever ours. I got to have my baby. God heard the desires of my heart and He delivered. Conventional...no. Miraculous...yes! Not to mention, I've been cancer free for 5 years! :)
As I look back at the journey we've been on the past 5 years, I can only count my blessings and thank God for the struggles along the way. It has made both of us a stronger person with a much deeper faith in what our Lord can do. Happy Sunday! :)