"Head Over Feet"

When I think really really hard, I can remember when things weren't so stressful. I remember when my primary concern was what to wear to school in the morning or what I was going to do for the weekend. I remember when everything was easy. I know at the time, I thought it was so difficult and so unfair. Why is it that we can't recognize the ease of life until it's too late? I'm ready for my life to get easy. I'm ready for things to calm down and really enjoy the blessings that I have been given. I'm ready to have our family complete, I'm ready to spend more time with my husband, I'm ready to settle down, I'm ready! I feel like I'm waiting for something to come along and make it all smooth. I know that in reality, there will always be something and I just need to get out there and make the most of my life because it will all soon pass me by.

I received another phone call today. This time it was from our Family Specialist, Cynthia. I remembered her from one of our training classes and she remembered us (probably because I ask so many questions). She is an adoption specialist. They had some questions regarding whether we should be with an adoption specialist or a foster to adopt specialist. The fact that we ultimately want to adopt is what made the final decision. She explained how the process would go and clarified a lot of my concerns. I asked if we would know the date for TPR if we foster to adopt legal risk, I asked what the liklihood of having a newborn would be and I asked how we get chosen if we say yes to a "broadcast"! WHEW! It was a lot to take in and I admit that it got me a bit emotional. I was trying not to let her know, but I think she heard it in my voice - it was just so overwhelming. She said "this is going to be an emotional time for the both of you and you need to be sure you are praying and talking"!

I know that I'm much more emotional than Chase, especially when it comes to things like this. I always feel a bit insecure whenever I open up to him about my feelings because I'm not sure if he would understand. Now don't get me wrong, he has never made me FEEL insecure, I think that's just me being afraid of opening up too much. I remember writing a blog years ago about my guard that I would put up. I didn't want anyone to know what I was feeling because I believed that would keep me from being hurt. It was easier not to involve anyone in my personal life and I was coming to terms with being single for the rest of my life. Then I met Chase. I can't be like that with Chase. He's my husband and I fell in love with him because he made me feel comfortable and because I know he loves with without any reservation.

Each person I've spoken to at our agency has ended the phone calls pretty much the same. PRAY! I pray every day. It's my own time with God and I can talk to Him about anything and everything. I thank him for my blessings and offer up any worry and concern and every now and then I cry. I'm just not so great at letting ALL of the worry and concern go. I've asked Chase to start praying with me. It's something we've always wanted to do and then we let life get in the way. Too tired, too late, too early, too lazy. We've had every excuse you can think of. We have too much going on in our lives to take prayer for granted. He listens...He guides...He answers prayers....He provides miracles and blessings...He takes away our pain and worry.