"Ring of Fire"

It was about 2:30 pm today whenever Dr. Numnum called my cell phone - and of course, it was the 5 minutes I was away from it. I called back immediately, alot more nervous than I thought I would be. When he began his sentence with "unfortunately...", I knew there was nothing good afterward. The test results were back and said that it was still cancer at a grade 2 (the first biopsy placed it as a grade 1-2)! He was very upset that the Megace didn't work and said it's not likely to work even if I try it for another 3 months. I'd rather not anyway. He wants to see me and Chase as soon as possible to talk things over and probably try to convince me to have a hysterectomy. My mom's doctor had told her about another treatment at MD Anderson so she is trying to get in touch with him to get the name of the treatment so I can tell my oncologist. I don't want to put my life in danger because of my selfishness to have children, but I also don't want to give in to a hysterectomy when there could be something else out there!

All I want to do at this point is cry. I don't want to start thinking about alternatives or MD Anderson or a hysterectomy. I just want to cry and get this whole frustrating feeling out of my system. It makes me sad. Each day my chance to have my very own child gets slimmer. That's sad and all I want to do is cry! I'll get over it and move on...probably by tomorrow. Well, I have to - real life doesn't stop for sadness. I love that Chase is the rational one. I'm definitely the emotional one. He thinks that we should get his reversal and have kids anyway and then when we are done, have the hysterectomy and get it over with. I love that idea!

I'm not a basket case today, though, so I'm happy about that. I know that sitting around in misery all day feeling sorry for myself won't get me anywhere. But a good cry sure does feel good! :) Like I said, I'll be fine and I'll keep praying because I know God has a bigger and better plan for us! I encourage those of you who are praying for us to continue because this is certainly not over!

Thank you so much to everyone who blew up my phone today LOL!!! I truly appreciate it and I love all of you!

I'll update as soon as we have more information!!!!