"Bad Day"

So far today has sucked! Yesterday was great - I was busy all day so I had little to no time to even think! I like those days! I woke up early this morning, made coffee, walked Preston, took a shower and (here's where I screwed up) got online! I decided to google endometrial cancer and pregnancy! Every article I found, the women had a hysterectomy! I understand that it's a 90% cure with a hysterectomy, but what about those of us who want a baby!? There HAS to be another way! And then I kept reading articles saying that it is impossible to carry a baby when you have this type of cancer! There were no reasons to support so it is going on my list of questions.

My sucky part of the day (and it's only 9:45am) came when it ALL just hit me. I SERIOUSLY may never be a mother! NEVER! Never ever ever ever!!!! That sucks. I can't even stop crying enough to blow dry my hair!!!!! I'm pathetic, I know! I eventually have to pull it together because I have to be at work by 11am!! :) Maybe if I get it all out today, I'll be fine going forward!! I just really hope I don't become one of those people who can't be happy for my friends and family when they have a baby! I pray I don't become bitter! I don't think I can, to be honest, but it worries me!

I also have to keep in mind, a hysterectomy is not the end of life! I still have my fabulous family and my supportive, beautiful and awesome husband! I'm very blessed to be surrounded by the people in my life and to have the things I have! And there is always adoption! God's plan could possibly be that we are supposed to adopt a beautiful baby and give it a loving home! That thought helps me to really get through this! Ok...I'm done! I need to dry my tears and fix my hair! LOL!!! I apologize for the rant, but that's why I created this blog! :) Thank you again for your prayers and thoughts! I'm truly blessed!