"Faithfully"

Today we had a Permanency Planning Meeting.  We've had one before that Chase attended and it really wasn't that fascinating...just talked about the baby and how she was doing.  Today was different.  There were 10 people in a conference room, excluding her parents who did not show up (although they were invited to be there).  We talked about how she was doing and all of the new things she was doing like grabbing and eating baby food!  We passed around our 8 million pictures and talked about how much we loved having her in our home.  Then the business began. 

 

The CPS Supervisor (we will call her Jane) asked our CPS caseworker (we will call her Suzy) what Baby Girl's permanency plan was.  Suzy replied that her current plan is reunification with her parents (which we already knew).  She then went on to say that the plan was in the process of being changed to a Related Adoption (where a relative of the bio parents would be able to adopt her after passing a home study).  Jane then asked if any relatives had been named at this point - the answer was NO...her parents had not given any names of anyone interested in taking baby girl throughout this entire process.  Jane then turned to us.  She asked us if Baby Girl became adoptable, would we want her.  Trying to keep as calm as possible, we both answered DEFINTELY!!!  She then said that since we have had her since she was 5 weeks old and we were attached to her and love her, then the new permanency plan would be UNRELATED ADOPTION!

 

Holy cow!  You have no idea what I was feeling when she said that!  My grin was so big there was no way for me to hide it!  As I looked across the table, I saw the CASA workers and our CPS worker smiling at us!  Now...this is NOT set in stone!  We still have to go to court in July and November.  We will continue doing everything that we are doing now, but at our November trial, termination will be offered to the parents.  The only other hurdle we would face would be if a relative came forward or if the parents decided to start working their plan!  At that point, CASA would step in for the best interest of Baby Girl. We praise the Lord for the wonderful blessings he gives us although we are not deserving!

With all of that being said...I need some major prayer warriors to get on their knees!  I know that God will take care of all of us no matter the outcome, but prayers for Baby Girl to be in a loving home are very appreciated! I will keep you guys updated as we get any new updates! 

Today was a good day...a very very good day!!! 

"Crying"

This post may be short bc I'm doing it from my phone!!!

So Baby Girl had a visit today...for real this time! I was at work so Chase brought her, which is how I would like it always to be! Mom and dad BOTH showed up! sigh!!! Anyway....so they had their one hour visit (after 8 weeks of no shows) and then signed their plans!!! WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY??? Sign their plans???? Yep...after 5 months, they FINALLY got a plan! This is so ridiculous! She is a person, not an animal! I cannot believe that neither her parents nor CPS demanded a plan right away!!!! A plan, btw, is a layout of what the parents have to do in order to regain custody of their child(ren)! Usually it's comprised of several classes, drug tests, a place to live, etc.!

Needless to say, I have been a mess all day! I'm devastated at the thought of losing Baby Girl! I know we have a long road, but I feel like I'm already mourning! I'm incredibly grateful for having Baby Girl in our lives and I cannot imagine not seeing her, holding her and taking care of her everyday!

Today was the first time I have felt a weakening in faith! I don't want to lose faith, but I'm exhausted! This is going to sound pathetic, but I'm so tired of things falling apart! Of course, in the same breath I realize how blessed we are to have what we have! I continue praying because I know that I have Him in my corner, I just feel overwhelmed right now!

"Home Sweet Home"

I had a couple of messages asking about updates, so I'll jump right in.  As you know, there have been no parent visits since April 19 and before that, only one visit the week after we got Baby Girl.  This past Friday, Chase got a phone call at 12pm from our case worker.  Mom called and cancelled the visit because she got a job and could not make it.  She said that Monday or Tuesday would be better and our case worker told us she would set something up, even if she had to get Baby Girl from daycare.  When Chase called to tell me the news, I was having lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while so Lori, I truly apologize for the sudden change in my demeanor! LOL!

Ok...here I go!  First of all....2  hours before the visit??? Really????  And what about the previous 7 weeks, where were you then?  Secondly, NO WAY anyone is bringing Baby Girl to a visit other than us!  We would leave work in the middle of the day just to be sure we were with her! Lastly, I was really bummed to hear she had a job because I instantly began to think the worse (I asked for major forgiveness for celebrating failures and not rejoicing in her making her life better).  She's obviously working part of her plan and it's only a matter of time until we lose Baby Girl!!!  I continued to regress even further than that.  Why can't I just have my own baby?  Why does it feel like I'm never really going to be mother? This is so unfair!!!  What kind of life lesson is He trying to teach me???  Why is everything so easy for some people and everything is so darn difficult for me???? Pathetic!!  I've definitely calmed down since Friday although when I really start to talk about the "what ifs", I get teary. 

Needless to say, today is Tuesday and we never got a phone call back from our caseworker to set up a visit!  The week is young, though, so there is still a possibility of it happening!

I had begun to do so well at pushing all of those thoughts out of the way and focusing on the day to day.  The devil places fear in our lives.  He enjoys when we open ourselves up to vulnerability because that's when he will strike.  I will not let him in.  I will not let him ruin the wonderful time I have with Baby Girl.  She is a beautiful, innocent, sweet baby and I will continue to love her and spoil her as much as I can!!!  We never forget to say our prayers and ask God everyday to watch over our family and protect our hearts!

In other Baby Girl news, we started VEGGIES this week! YAY!! (I sooo wish I could post pictures)  I wasn't sure if it was time, but she does great at eating her cereal with a spoon so we thought we would give it a try!  We tried peas first and she made it through the first few bites before she realized that she did NOT like them so we gave up on them for now (we will re-visit later)!  Tonight we tried sweet potatoes and she LOVED them!  We will introduce fruits once we've mastered the veggies!  My only problem is I have NO idea how often we feed her the baby food along with her formula and cereal!  Any advice from mommies out there would be greatly appreciated!

I'll continue to update as we hear more about our visits!  Please remember that she has a hearing set for July 31 so prayers for a fair judge are welcome.  Our BIG court time isn't until November, but you never know what could happen between now and then!!!

"Pictures of You"

This won't be a very long post because I have a very upset baby sitting next to me who apparantly does NOT like to be put down when we are clearly in the room with her!  Yes, she is spoiled and I admit that it is 100% my fault! LOL!! 

We went to Burnet this past weekend for my beautiful SIL's high school graduation! We had a great time and even got to spend a weekend with Zoren!  Thank you to the Haley's for putting up with our craziness!!! 

SO...it's been 6 weeks since Baby Girl's last family visit.  They cancelled the first 2 and then no showed for the others.  Tomorrow is week number 7 and although they don't  have a great track record, I'm still anxious.  I never know if they are sitting in the lobby or if they will be walking in the same time I am.  I'll be fine most of the day and the moment I pull onto the street where the CPS office is, my stomach starts churning and my heart starts beating like crazy.  I'm getting the feeling as I write this!  Our case worker told us that she was going to attempt to get in touch with Baby Girl's parents and let them know that they have until Monday to decide if they will be showing up for future visits.  If not, then they will stop.  We waste half of our day waiting to see if they will show up and that is not fair!  It's not fair for us and the anxiety that goes with it but most importantly, it's unfair for her! 

After our visit tomorrow, I'll update and let you guys know what was decided!  All that we ask is for now is continued prayers...patience for us, clarity for her parents so that they will make the best decision for Baby Girl and for Baby Girl, that she will know the love of God through us no matter what the future holds!