"Itsy Bitsy Spider"

I giggle a little whenever I see responses to my blog that say I'm brave and what a positive outlook I have. I do, I don't doubt that, but man...you have no idea how hard that is! I hope that I can be, how should I say it...influential, I guess! I just know that there are millions of other horrible things that could be experienced and I'm so blessed to only have this little tiny insignificant disease to deal with!!! Oh I have my days...more than I'd like! I have days where all I want to do is cry. I have days where I think the total worst case scenario could happen. I have days where I try to imagine not ever having children. But I also have days where I see our family growing with kids. I have days where I've imagined helping in the research and cure of endometrial cancer. I have days where I've beat this thing and I get to be a cancer survivor!

7 months into this thing, it's all still very surreal. I tend to focus a lot on the children factor and not so much on the disease itself. I have cancer. That is so strange to me. Mine is not to the point of life threatening, but it's cancer. It's a disease eating at my body. I don't feel anything though. I'm not in pain, I'm not weak and tired, I don't feel ill. I have no symptoms of being sick at all. None. It's so surreal. That's been my word lately. Surreal. An out of body experience. Like this isn't happening to me. Weird. I think that's why I giggle when people comment on my bravery. I'm not entirely brave, I'm just disconnected. And I also know that there is no other way to take this kind of diagnosis than to fight. I have to fight - there is no other option.

My good friend Heidi is flying to Washington DC on November 8 to run in the Gynocological Cancer awareness run! I'm so proud of her and what she is running for! I wish I could be there with her, but with the possibility of flying back and forth to Houston, it just wasn't in the cards! I hope she knows what an impact she is making!!! I would love to find a more localized organiztion that supports gynocological cancer. It covers so many types of cancer that women suffer from. Endometrial cancer is not as rare as we think it is...more and more women are being diagnosed and the awareness is obsolete. I would have never even known it existed until my dr. diagnosed me - especially since it's a cancer that isn't tested for until later in life! I'm very interested in creating, helping with or donating time to any organiztion that may support gynocological cancer so if anyone knows of anything, let me know!!!! Whew..that was a bit of a rant! LOL!

Well, my appointment with Dr. Sood is next Monday at 11:30am at MD Anderson! I'm exctied, nervous and anxious all wrapped into one! I'll definitely be updating after my appointment!!! Til then.....