I've been telling myself for the past couple of days that I need to blog about what's been on my mind, but between 3 littles and packing, I honestly haven't had a chance to sit down. Now that the kids are napping, I'll take a few minutes to release my heart on the blogging world.
I absolutely adore the boys and I know that they will be going home to mom in the next few months (no definite date yet). I know that my heart will hurt and I will be devastated knowing that I won't see their precious little faces every day. With the pending reunification, Chase and I have had a lot of time to discuss the future of our family. I knew from the very beginning that we would not be adopting the boys and I was always ok with that. We had originally discussed one more baby, under 1 year old and legal risk (which means most likely an adoption) after the boys leave our home. As time goes on and discussions get a little more serious, I start to rethink this. We are at an age where I'm just not sure if we want to start over again. I LOOOOVE babies but I just don't know if that's what we still want. I hate even saying that because we never know what type of option will be presented to us. Yep...there I go again changing my mind!
At first I think that Aubrey needs to have a younger sibling. She will have a friend to grow up with and fight with. I will have someone to pass her clothes down to (if it's a girl, of course) and she will have someone to share experiences with.
The other side is that Aubrey has a great big sister and a huge family with lots of cousins. She is a very self sufficient little girl and will make friends throughout her life that she can share experiences with. Chase and I love the convenience of 2 kiddos and being able to get up and go whenever we want. Not to mention the cost of childcare...YIKES!
There are all kinds of reasons (or excuses) but I know that I've never had a say in my life. God has always reassured us that we have a set path - a way that He has prepared before we existed. If we are supposed to grow our family, it will happen. If not, then we are completely content with our 2 beautiful girls. Our hearts are always opened to His guidance.