Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"6th Avenue Heartache"

So it's been over 2 months since the diagnosis and I have only really cried one time - and that was the day I found out! Right now, as I sit here looking at my friend's and family's pictures of their kids, it hit me. Hard! Like...I can hardly breathe! I'm surprised I can type because my eyes are so puffy! It's so unfair! Everything about this whole stupid situation is so UNFAIR! I can't understand why there are so many people out there who take for granted that they can pop out a baby whenever they want and I have to worry about if I will EVER have a chance to be a mom!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Chase and I both agree that we would not want to have a baby until we move back to Texas, but what if that can't happen?!? What if the news I get in August is bad? I TOTALLY believe that God has a plan for us - and I will never disregard that, but what if???

This entry probably doesn't make sense at all, but this little breakdown was only going to be calmed by writing! I'm so sorry for the rant!!!!

On the flip side - I've become MUCH better at taking care of myself and getting my medication on a better schedule! I just hope it pays off!! Man, I am so happy Chase is not home to see this melt down - it will be our little secret! LOL!!!

Love you all!