So it's been over 2 months since the diagnosis and I have only really cried one time - and that was the day I found out! Right now, as I sit here looking at my friend's and family's pictures of their kids, it hit me. Hard! Like...I can hardly breathe! I'm surprised I can type because my eyes are so puffy! It's so unfair! Everything about this whole stupid situation is so UNFAIR! I can't understand why there are so many people out there who take for granted that they can pop out a baby whenever they want and I have to worry about if I will EVER have a chance to be a mom!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Chase and I both agree that we would not want to have a baby until we move back to Texas, but what if that can't happen?!? What if the news I get in August is bad? I TOTALLY believe that God has a plan for us - and I will never disregard that, but what if???
This entry probably doesn't make sense at all, but this little breakdown was only going to be calmed by writing! I'm so sorry for the rant!!!!
On the flip side - I've become MUCH better at taking care of myself and getting my medication on a better schedule! I just hope it pays off!! Man, I am so happy Chase is not home to see this melt down - it will be our little secret! LOL!!!
Love you all!
Muffins with Mom
8 years ago
Your post makes a lot of sense, I had a similar breakdown a few years ago but I won't go into that! You are going to make an awesome mother. Your child/children are going to be some of the lucky few that grow up knowing they are loved and wanted. Even if you have to adopt, and I know you want to experience pregnancy and childbirth, it won't matter how you got the son or daughter in your arms when they look deep into your eyes and smile because they know you are Mom! No matter what that's the best feeling you will ever have and that is God's gift to you as a Mother.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers and I hope you get the news you want to hear in August.
I love you, Lisa!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm such a loon - I just NOW noticed that I had comments! Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers! I will keep all of you in my prayers as well!!! I'm so lucky to have y'all in my life!
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