Have You Ever?

     Today this post comes from a tired, defeated and sad mama.  I have a 5 year old.  A new 5 year old.  What I have noticed with each passing year is that the next stage we enter is even harder than the last.  When A turned two I thought I was in for it.  The "terrible" twos were actually pretty fun.  Then we hit three and it was all down hill.  She started to learn how to push buttons, and although her vocabulary was limited, she still tested her limits daily.  Four was a little more vocal than three and then there was five.  Five years old has been...hard.  What I have been reminded over the past month is that I have, in fact, become much more patient and much more calm (to a point - let's not get crazy).  I find that my stress level is much lower if I choose not to yell back or nit pick with my child.  But if this little girl uses her sassy little voice to answer me one more time, I'm going to run out of the house screaming.  Is this normal?  Who can say!  I haven't even consulted with my other five year old mom friends because I'm afraid I'll sound like a terrible person.  Now don't get me wrong, A has her moments where she is precious and sweet and so incredibly kind-hearted.  I do believe with all of my soul that this is the true child I have raised.  

     The moments when she ignores my pleas to stop walking on the couch, when she says "I AM" when I tell her to put on her pj's, when she writhes around on the floor because her sock feels "funny", when she throws an ever lovin' fit because I tell her that it's too late to eat candy, when she is snarky and sassy (not the cute way) and just plain defies everything I tell/ask- that's when I start to lose my marbles.  My husband and I pride ourselves on being consistent.  She doesn't get a toy just because she asks, she must finish her chores before she can play or watch a movie, she must go to bed when we say so.  My husband is the best at backing me up too!  Even if he would have done something a little different, he never undermines my decision.  Through all of this - I still question my parenting.  What am I doing wrong?  Did I yell too much?  Did I spoil her too much? Why is she so defiant toward me?  Am I the only one feeling like this?

     I pray for her (and for us).  I have lifted her up to God to raise her in His word and to glorify Him.  I have cried myself to sleep just last night after an argument with a 3'7" child because I could have just given her a drink of water.  I don't think I'm a bad mom or an incompetent mom.  I'm sure there are several of you who are dealing with the same thing, but I feel so alone sometimes.  Sure, I post pictures of our happy little family because, let's be honest, who really wants to see the sad and frustrating part of our life.  

     Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter.  I think she is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.  I would give my own life for her and will do everything in my power to be sure she is happy.  I'm just frustrated and tired.  After all of this whining, I will continue to pray for her and with her, I will continue to love her unconditionally and set boundaries for her to follow, I will be there for her no matter what and I will lend an ear when she wants to chat.  I'm so proud to be her mama but man oh man, the next stage better be a bed full of roses :)