"Livin' on a Prayer"

I set my appointment. Surreal. December 14 I will be cancer free (hopefully)...December 14 I will never be able to carry my own baby. Hmm... Surreal. This is not the end of my life. I still have my family, my husband, my job, my health. I'm so lucky. No, I'm so blessed. God has such wonderful plans for all of us. I have cancer - and that sucks - but it's curable - and that's awesome. All of my worry and concern I have I must give to Him. I'm not supposed to worry if I'm lifting my worries to the Lord! I still get sad, though. I'm human. My mom is going to try to come stay a few days when I have my surgery. The Dr. says I should only be out of work for 2 weeks so I planned it to be right around Christmas since I was already taking time off to travel to Texas. I have decided to have my surgery here - for the sake of time and travel. I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss what to expect and all that jazz. I'm not nervous about the surgery itself...I'm nervous about how I'm going to handle it emotionally. I hope I can keep it under control!

The CMAs are in town! I keep saying how I can't believe we haven't really seen any celebrities (except Taylor Swift at Blockbuster and Keith Urban at Starbucks), but I suppose it helps if we get out a little more!!!! LOL!!! I love downtown Nashville, it's a shame we don't head down there more often! One day I might miss it...might! :)

Ok...I'm going to pop in a movie and get ready for a great day off tomorrow with my Chase! I'll update when I get some info from the Dr. tomorrow!!!!

"Tears in Heaven"

Today was my MD Anderson appointment. I didn't expect a miracle, but I had to at least check out my options. First of all...MD Anderson is the best hospital I have ever been to! It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to get lost (and I can usually manage to get lost) and EVERYONE there is so incredibly nice! I loved it! My Dr. was fantastic! He met briefly with me to do an exam and then brought us to the conference room (me, Chase and my mom). He had reviewed my slides and test and whatever and it seems that my most recent biopsy did in fact read Endometrial Cancer, Stage 1, Grade 2! No grade 1 anymore. The megace I was on for 3 months had no affect on the cancer which actually progressed a little bit. I know I had already been told that, but I needed to hear it from someone else.

There is a clinical study being done on women with pre-cancerous and/or Stage 1, Grade 1 cancer where they insert an IUD and test the results - which have all been pretty good (regressing). I no longer have Grade 1. That puts me in a very unfortunate position. At this time, there is no "pill" type of treatment for anything beyond Grade 1. Let me back up real quick and give a little lesson in staging and grading, for those who don't know!

Stage I - confined to the uterine lining
Stage II - moves to the cervix
Stage III - vaginal, cervical and uterine
Stage IV - moves outside the uterus into other organs ie. liver, lungs, etc.

Within any of these stages, the cells will have a grade...

Grade 1 - normal shaped cells compacting together
Grade 2 - the cells are compacted and losing their shape
Grade 3 - the cells have no rhyme or reason; no shape and a bit of a mess

Ok...so I have Stage 1 (which is good), Grade 2 (not so good)! Like I said, they have no "pill" treatment for anything after Grade 1, therefore the only treatment for me is a hysterectomy. I know that's what my first doctor wanted to do, but he didn't tell me WHY!??!! You can't just take out my baby maker and not tell me WHY!!! Now I understand...it SUCKS....but I understand. It's to the point where I need to look out for my well being and my survival. My Dr. was so sympathetic and really understanding. He still seemed a bit thrown by my age (being about 20 years younger than the average End. Cancer patient) and health (pretty darn healthy), but said this is really the only option before it progresses too far.

So I will go home and think it all over. He didn't seem to be in a huge rush, but of course, I need to figure something out soon. I will definitely have my surgery at MD Anderson - I loved that place (as much as you can love a cancer hospital...LOL)!!!

I firmly believe God speaks to us through the obstacles and blessings we encounter in our lives. This is my big obstacle. I'm not supposed to have my own baby - maybe I'm supposed to save the life of a baby who needs loving parents. If anyone has any adoption information or knows of someone for us to talk to, I'd appreciate any information!

Thank you for your prayers. Even though it was not the answer I wanted, I know God listens and he has a fabulous plan for us! After I have a little "feel sorry for myself" time, I'll start preparing myself for our next adventure! I'm so lucky to have my supportive and loving family and my wonderful husband! I love all of you! This story is not over - I'll definitely keep posting as more information comes up! Good night!!!

"6th Avenue Heartache"

So it's been over 2 months since the diagnosis and I have only really cried one time - and that was the day I found out! Right now, as I sit here looking at my friend's and family's pictures of their kids, it hit me. Hard! Like...I can hardly breathe! I'm surprised I can type because my eyes are so puffy! It's so unfair! Everything about this whole stupid situation is so UNFAIR! I can't understand why there are so many people out there who take for granted that they can pop out a baby whenever they want and I have to worry about if I will EVER have a chance to be a mom!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Chase and I both agree that we would not want to have a baby until we move back to Texas, but what if that can't happen?!? What if the news I get in August is bad? I TOTALLY believe that God has a plan for us - and I will never disregard that, but what if???

This entry probably doesn't make sense at all, but this little breakdown was only going to be calmed by writing! I'm so sorry for the rant!!!!

On the flip side - I've become MUCH better at taking care of myself and getting my medication on a better schedule! I just hope it pays off!! Man, I am so happy Chase is not home to see this melt down - it will be our little secret! LOL!!!

Love you all!

"Happy Birthday to YOU"

So today was my first appointment with the gynocological oncologist...oh yea, AND it is my 30th birthday. My oncologist is Dr. Numnum and he was so nice and personable. First, though, I was 20 minutes late to my appointment because I swear every single building looks the same! I guess that was a good thing (being late) because it really took my mind off of what I was actually going there for! So I get a quick exam and then it's off to his office for a discussion. He was very up front with me and explained the diagnosis, treatment and risk factors very well!

So I was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer grade 1-2. There are 3 grades. The 1-2 means that most of the cells are grade one (the best) and a few cells may have been grade two! It is stage one cancer and is still only confined to the uterine lining. He was honestly very shocked and concerned that someone at my age and with my health was dealing with this type of cancer. All of my other test results were great...no blockage, no abnormalities...just cancer cells.

The next topic was treatment. There is a 90% cure for this type of cancer...with the treatment being a hysterectomy. He said that any other patient of his that walked through that door with endometrial cancer would have been told to have a radical hysterectomy. But my situation is very different. I'm young and I want a family.

He scheduled a D&C for next week so that he can get an accurate idea of the type of cancer we are dealing with. If it is truly a grade one, I will being a hormone treatment immediately - Megace. After 3 months of treatment, I'll go in for a biopsy. If the results show that the cancer is regressing, then we will continue treatment until it's gone and then we'll need to get pregnant pretty quickly. If the cancer has not moved or if it's progressed, then the next route would be a hysterectomy. Yea...scary.

I have to admit, though, the word cancer was tossed around quite a few times and it never scared me. But the moment he talked about a hysterectomy, I broke down. Not because I was scared - because I was sad. Very, very sad. To not be able to have a baby is so heart breaking.

I'm so blessed to have such a strong Christian family to pray for me. I really appreciate everybody who is thinking about us. It means alot. I'm so thankful for the moments that have passed (meeting Chase, researching reversals, etc) that brought us here because without them, this would have gone on for years and may have ended up much worse.

"Blame it on the Rain"

So today I recieved a phone call at work that was probably one of the worst phone calls you can have. It was my doctor. Now...I know that anytime a doctor calls you before your next visit, it is NOT with good news!!! He started off the conversation with "do you have a moment to talk?" Well..yea, of course I do!! Basically he told me that when they did my biopsy and other misc testing, he found something a little alarming and sent it off for further testing. The results came back that I had endometrial adenocarcinoma! I had NO idea what he was talking about! The next few phrases that came out of his mouth scared the crap out of me..."cancer", "survival rate", "hysterectomy"! I asked several time again what this carcinoma thing was. He assured me that because of my great health and my age, this should be an easy treatment but that it IS a form of endometrial cancer and it will require treatments.

Immediately my mind darted all over the place! What kind of treatment? What's the survival rate? And most importantly, will I be able to have a baby? The treatment will more than likely be light - Progesterone (a hormone) should get rid of it if it is stage one...as he believes it to be. I will then go back for additional biopsies to be sure it is in remission and then we can start with fertility treatments. So yes...I will still be able to have babies!!! An oncologist called me soon after my OB hung up to set up an appointment and discuss treatment options. I never thought at 29 years old I would be meeting with an oncologist - seriously...that scares me! My appointment, ironically enough, is on my birthday!! Happy 30th birthday Lisa!!!

He warned me against looking anything up on the internet when I got home because it may scare me. As soon as I got home and told Chase the news, we Googled it! Endometrial adenocarcinoma seems to occur most often in women 50-59 years old who have never had children (nulliparity) and may be obsese. Less than 5% of women under the age of 40 have been diagnosed!

I will continue to pray about it and as soon as I know more after my appointment next Tuesday, I will definitely post it! I know God has a reason and a way for everything, so all I can do is trust in Him!