Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

As we near the end of September I can't believe that 2 months has passed so quickly since the boys have come into our home!  I can definitely say that we are much more settled and stress free than we were that very first week.  Man oh man...that seems like a lifetime away!  I am finally to the point where I can comfortably take all of them out by myself.  We have had scream free grocery store trips, seamless church visits 2 times a week and happy plays at the park!  Our next big adventure will be in a few weeks - I'm taking all 3 of them with me to Port Neches to visit family!  EEK!  With 2 potty trained kiddos, that means LOTS of stops along the way!  Not to mention, one of our DVD screens got cracked by a car seat incident so we'll see how that goes! :) 

 

We've also been blessed to find a wonderful new church family in the last month.  Although we LOVED and will always love our Praise family, this church has definitely welcomed us with opened arms.  The kids love going and ask everyday if we are going to church!  I've already attended a women's ministry dinner and we are part of a great group of parents on Wednesday nights!  We've also been introduced to several other foster families in the church which has lead me to an awesome foster/adopt mom's group!  I'm so thankful for everything falling into place.  It's not perfect, nor do we ever expect it to be, but it's pretty darn good!

 

As far as we know, the boy's mom is doing really well with her plan.  We know that the EARLIEST she will be able to get the boys back is around February, but we also know that the judge can extend it to August (she has up to a year to work her plan and stick to it...longer if an extension is granted).  They see her every Tuesday and I'm learning not to take the things she says personally.  I've never met her, but the case manager will tell me the "concerns" mom has and it always gets me so upset.  I live with the boys every single day - I know that they are bathed, fed and loved every single day.  She picks on little things like "why aren't they wearing the shoes I bought them" or "B has an ear infection because he won't let me clean his ears, I assume foster mom never cleans them" - he didn't have an ear infection, FYI! :)  The case manager has to reassure me that this is mom's way of controlling an uncontrollable situation.  I will continue to do what I'm doing - loving these boys and showing them how Christ can work in their lives!  My next major update with the case probably won't be until January unless something crazy happens! 

 

Around the same time of the next hearing, our NEW HOUSE should almost be completed.  I'm expecting it to probably be closer to March because it's being built in the winter and the ice up here really stinks! :)  We've already finalized our showroom choices and now waiting on permits and such.  Hopefully they will break ground in the next month or so!  YAY! 

 

Hope everyone is having a wonderful beginning of FALL!!!!

Let's Play Catch Up

I finally found my long lost login for my original blog so this post is basically just all of the posts from my NEW blog!  I'll start updating on this account from here on out...

Mood swings much??

So I felt something yesterday that I haven't felt in years!  I was reading Facebook (duh, what else would I read LOL) and came across a gender reveal post for a 3rd baby of a friend of a friend and I got a little sad.  Not sad like I used to be...just a little. Now please don't take it the wrong way because I am so freakin' excited for my friends and family expecting babies and I love seeing pictures, learning the gender, reading updates, etc!!!  This is my own inner battle.  The sadness that if I want a baby that we can't just "try" - I go thru a process.  Even then, it's not necessarily permanent.  It's selfish and I know that.  It is what it is! 

 

Then a second later I see Aubrey come around the corner and my eyes fill up with tears.  This is the baby that God has given me.  I was lucky enough to be her mommy from (almost) day one!  This is the one who calls me mommy, cries when I leave the house, excited to see me when I pick her up from daycare, cuddles with me on the couch, reminds us to say prayers before meals, sings her ABCs to me in the car everyday, helps me clean the house (clean up, clean up)!  My little mini me!  My life!  My perfect, sweet, crazy little baby girl!  Then I thank God for the struggle I endured.  I understand it now.  This is what it was for.  This beautiful angel baby is the reason I cried so many tears at the idea of never getting pregnant.  She's my miracle baby and I couldn't imagine life without her. 

 

I also have to be reminded that the 2 little boys who have dominated our home over the past 5 weeks were not sent to us by accident.  They have allowed us to feel the craziness of a full house and enjoy every minute.  They may not be with us forever, but during there time here we are learning patience (even when we thought we had no more to give), unconditional love and selflessness.  Life lessons for everyone in our family. In return, I pray that they take with them memories of us and our love for them. 

 

I give all thanks to God for the blessings that are right in front of my face.  I have no reason to feel sorry for myself - my life is full of wonderful miracles and beautiful gifts from God!

Prayer requests:

That our daycare situation clears up SOON and that we won't have to move the boys from the daycare they love so much!

The boy's mom - that she continues her plan and keeps a clear head so that her babies can be with her again because I know they miss her terribly.

That we feel peace about the "system" and all of the administrative hiccups we've encountered so that it is not a deterrent for future foster placements in our family.

 

Friday, August 29, 2014

Am I Doing This Right???

So we are coming up on a month of having the boys with us!  Although they are sweet and pretty well behaved boys (considering their ages LOL), I feel stressed out every day.  My precious baby girl is also having a hard time adjusting.  I hear constant yelling because someone took her toy, looked at her toy or called me mommy (they mimic what they hear from her).  We are all still getting used to our changes and, although I feel it getting better...we have a long way to go.  We've considered a few times early on that maybe we should submit our 30 day notice and just move along.  Then I have to think about WHY we are doing this.  It's getting us out of our comfort zone.  It's putting us OUT there and fulfilling our duty on earth.  These boys need a safe and secure home and we have that.  So why do I feel frustrated every day?  Why do I want to hide in my room?  Am I a bad parent?  Should we stop fostering?  Any advice on how to handle a house full of 3 and under kiddos is greatly appreciated!

 

I also miss having a social life!  I need friends.  I need friends to have a girls night and I need friends who want to have play dates.  I really think that if we could just get out of the house every now and then, each of us would be better for it. 

 

As far as the plan, it sounds promising, but it's still early.  Mom has signed up for all of her classes, shows up to every visit and sounds very focused on getting her life together.  There is a hearing in 2 weeks and every 3 months after that. At the 6 month mark, they will see how she is doing and then they will have a better idea of the boys' future.  The judge in our county is pretty strict so he expects her to follow her plan perfectly.  For the sake of the boys', I do too.  Our oldest one obviously misses her and it breaks my heart when he has a sad day!

 

Now I'm off to get baby girl so we can have a girls only afternoon! :)
 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Sad

Tonight I had a silent heart to heart with our oldest boy. He had a wonderful day running around and having a great time. Bed time was going smoothly as usual. He quietly went to lay in bed (he doesn't talk much anyway) and I tucked him in, said goodnight, then walked out the door. About 10 minutes later he was standing in the hallway! His eyes were so sad. I walked him back to bed and sat at his side! I rubbed his back and told him that I knew he was sad. He whispered "mommy". My heart instantly broke. As tears rolled down my cheek, I assured him that we would take care of him and keep him safe. I could feel him take a deep breath and relax. 

I can't imagine what his little heart and mind are feeling! I'm sure he is so confused and even in his moments of giggles, there's a little sadness. He's such a sweet little boy and has experienced more than most. Prayers for peace over him!!! 
 

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Few Things I've Learned...

Just some thoughts to document my feelings since I know at some point in my life, I'm going to look back and barely remember some of this!

1. Boys are way different than girls!  I know everyone is saying "no sh**" right now, but until you actually experience it, OH MY GOSH!  My little girly girl who wears jewelry, bows and carries a purse doesn't know what to think about these boys who will just run into eachother for no reason - or run their cars into eachother and crack up laughing!  We girls are very confused :)

2. 3 children 3 years and younger DO NOT always play with eachother.  I thought "great, they will have instant playmates"!  NOPE!  Sometimes they are fine but most of the time they are fighting over something like a white Lego. 

3. Mommy really values her sanity.  Nap time, although I would love to be cleaning or napping, has turned into just sit and do absolutely nothing.  I stay as quiet as I can so that I can juice that nap for as long as I can and regain all of my marbles!

4. I grieve my family that once was.  I know it's been less than a week, but I grieve my family prior to the boys: One little person to put to bed - Fast grocery store trips - Worry free playing at the park - One bath - Potty trained little girl.  Selfish?  yes.  In the same breath, I understand that these boys need us AND in the grand scheme of life, the time we devote to loving them and keeping them safe is minimal yet crucial. 

5. Praying does wonders for the mind.  Every night when I put the boys to bed, I rock each one of them and say a prayer over their heads!  The calm and peace truly help to clear my head.  OH...and prayer works! :)

6. My house stays cleaner and more organized with 3 kiddos than it did with 1.  I also cook a decent dinner every night and have managed to take a shower every day! 

7. I'm really impressed with my patience. 

8. Foster kiddos are still kiddos.  They still play, laugh, run, cry and learn.  They cannot be discounted or pushed to the side because of a situation they had nothing to do with.  They cannot be thought of as a "burden" or "messing up plans".  There are no consequences or mistakes...only purpose.

9. I need a social life more than ever!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Wow...That Was Fast!

As most of you know, we had a foster placement on Friday afternoon.  Two little boys - 3 years old and 20 months old!  Although we were asked SEVERAL times by both CPS and Buckner if we thought we could handle 3 kiddos 3 and under, we were confident that we could!  FALSE! JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL...the first 24 hours were the most stressful 24 hours I've EVER experienced.  I literally cried for the first day and a half and most of the time felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't get off of the couch.  Chase and Zoren were awesome by stepping in and taking over the house.  Something that I would normally be doing.  These poor little boys!  They are really not any more trouble than any other kiddos their age.  It was totally not them...it was me!  Of course a lot of if was very selfish.  We had a great vacation planned for the weekend and then off to my mom's for the week.  We still brought them on our mini vacation, but I felt so restricted trying to keep up with all 4 kiddos! Needless to say, it ended well then we headed home.  Today has been our first NORMAL day at home.  Chase had work today but I'm off all week so that helps to set a schedule for the boys. 

 

We managed to all wake up and get breakfast on the table.  I miraculously managed to get all 3 kids to sit down at the table for all 3 meals and they actually ATE their food.  Amazing!  I also got them all down for naps, played outside, snack time, played with flash cards and still kept my house from falling apart and most of my sanity intact.  By the time Chase got home, I thought I was going to pass out!  All kids were bathed and in bed by 8:30 (well....except for the little girl sitting next to me now WIDE awake)!!!  I'm so tired.  I don't think I give enough credit to stay at home moms with multiple children! 

HOLY MOLY! 

The boys have a visit with their mom tomorrow morning so I'm curious to see how they are when they get home!  I know their mom is probably missing them more than they know.  From my understanding, they have never been away from her and she was very concerned about where they were going and who was taking care of them.  The reasons for their departure from her is still a little foggy.  The little one has an old burn on his back that was never treated and got pretty infected.  He was in the hospital for a couple of days to have it treated so that may have been the spark.  He's doing great though - he's such a trooper! 

So now at the close of day 3, we've decided to at least make it into next week when they start going to daycare.  If at that point, we feel like it's still not something we can handle, then we will let CPS know.  We have an amazing Buckner case manager who is very sympathetic to our needs and fears (and kudos to our previous case manager for being a great confidant this weekend when I was losing my mind)!!!  This has definitely been a learning experience for all of us. We have a much better understanding of our capabilities and what patience really looks like

I placed an ISO ad on our local online garage sale Facebook page looking for a car seat and met some pretty wonderful ladies that are also foster mommies!  I know that God placed these boys and those ladies in my life for a purpose!  It's hard to question things when you know there are no mistakes!  I'm also very thankful for the friends in the area who have offered their homes, hearts and ears to me in order to relieve some stress!  Oh - and I can't forget everyone that has called and had to listen to me cry like a wimpy baby lady - big THANKS for that!

 

Tonight I have some specific prayer requests for you:

 

- for the boy's mom, that she is able to follow plan and be reunited with her babies

- for the boys, that they continue to be comfortable in our home and learn to trust us a little more every day

- for Chase, that he find the patience and compassion I know he has in order to be a role model for these boys as long as they are with us

- for Aubrey, that she continues to enjoy having instant playmates and learns a life lesson along the way

- for me, that I'm able to have patience and sanity to do the best for these boys and love them and keep them safe while in our care

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Officially Updated...Now What??

As of Monday, our foster/adoption license was officially updated.  We are now on the open home list which means that we can get a phone call at any minute for a kiddo to come into our home! 

 

I have to remind myself that this may not have the outcome it did with A.  We may very well be a temporary safe place for these kiddos until their parents or a family member is able to take them.  I expect myself to get anxious when I think about it, but I don't.  I'm much more secure this round.  I have a much better understanding of how the system works and what our part is in this whole situation.  I know that if a child returns to their parents or family member, that we will have done our very best at showing them unconditional love and care for as long as they are with us.  I also know that when they leave, I will always and forever have my baby girl.  I can see God's plan for us so much clearly than before - although I also understand that at any moment our lives can shift directions without any warning.  His path brought us baby girl FIRST so that we knew that we would have the strength to continue in our ministry of fostering other children.

 

Hopefully I will have updates for you soon, but until then I have prayer requests!  Please pray that when we receive the phone call, that we are given the wisdom to make the best decision for the child when it comes to placement, pray that we become closer to God throughout the waiting process so that we are ready for the next step, pray for the babies in foster care so that they will be comforted and safe while in an unknown environment.

 

 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Here we go again

I've decided to start a new blog for 2 reasons...1 - I wanted to start fresh with our new adventures and 2 - I absolutely cannot remember the email address I used for the previous blog!  I'm sure it will come to me eventually, but as of right now...I have no idea!  If you are interested, our original blog can be found at http://operationdodson.blogspot.com!


Well, we are officially settled into our new home after 7 months of trying to get comfortable (and missing my family back home).  Baby Girl loves her daycare and we get to see Z every other weekend!  She's playing soccer so we actually get to see her more often than that!  I love having that girl around! :)  We both have good jobs and I really enjoy getting to spend evenings and weekends with Chase after all of these years.  Chase also recently graduated with his Bachelors degree and I am so proud of him!  Needless to say, we are doing pretty great! 

As of yesterday, we have completed our last training class with Buckner of North Texas that is needed to update our license.  We have a few little loose ends to tie up but nothing that should take too long!  Once we get our remaining info to our home developer, we will be licensed.  We have decided to keep our license the same - 0-3 years old and Foster to Adopt.  We played with the idea of adoption only but I'm constantly being reminded that this is bigger than us.  This is not about our selfish desires. 

There are several things that we have learned over the past couple of years and things that I need to remind myself as we enter this new arena.  I know that our placements may not flow like our first placement did.  I know that our babies may be reunited with their birth parents and that we were never meant to keep them forever but only for enough time to place our thumbprint on their lives.  I know that visits will not be easy and that I will become attached to each and every child that enters our home.  I know that God will always take care of us and be our strength when we are weak.  I know that we have a wonderful support system whose prayers are mightier than any word. 

With that being said...I ask you to pray with us and for us.  I ask that you pray for a smooth transition back into the foster/adopt world.  I ask that you pray for our sanity as we wait and wonder when that phone call will happen.  And lastly, I ask that you pray that we are able to make a decision that is in the best interest of that child's needs when we do get that phone call. 

I look forward to MANY more posts in the future with our new journey!!!

 

"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"

I'm seriously the worst blogger ever!  The last few months have been such a blur but I'll do my best to cover the major events that have come and gone!

April:  Chase was offered a fantastic opportunity with a great company...in Plano!  He accepted and moved to Dallas at the end of the month.  Baby girl and I had to stay behind until the adoption was final.  Our wonderful case workers did their best to be sure that everything was in place so that we could join Chase as soon as possible.

May:  Nothing....still waiting

June: We FINALLY had a court date - Monday, July 1, 2013 at 8:30am!!  Once we had a court date I started looking for a job and thankfully received an offer to begin the 2nd week of July!  We also frantically looked for a place to live and found a great house north of Dallas!

July: THE DAY WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!  We made sure that anybody who wanted to attend knew all of the details...Monday, July 1 - 8:15am - Jefferson County Courthouse, 2nd floor, Judge Randy Shelton's court room!  We were joyously blessed with 20+ attendees sporting the bright turquoise shirts we had designed for this super special day!  We were also featured on Channel 6 news (in Beaumont) on their Forever Families segment!  A huge thank you to Ashley Gaston and Channel 6 for being there while we celebrated the most exciting event in our lives alongside the most wonderful family and friends that we could ever ask for! 

Everyone waiting to enter the courtroom!

We had a packed house!

Our Forever Family with Judge Randy Shelton

Our interview with Channel 6 News!

******************************************************

Introducing Miss Aubrey AnnMarie !!!!

We cannot thank you guys enough for following our journey over the past few years!  Your prayers and thoughts have carried us through when we could see no light at the end of the tunnel.  We always knew that our Lord God had a beautiful plan for us and if we could endure the heartbreak and the cracks in our path with fearless determination, we will be overwhelmed with blessings in the end.  We look forward to the journey ahead and will continue to live our life to serve Him through the ministry of foster care/adoption.  Now that we are finally settled in our new home, we have begun the process of transferring our records to an organization locally and will eventually open up our home to another child.  Again, thank you for following us and I look forward to many many more updates in the near future!



"Right Where I Need To Be"

Oh my goodness, it is already MARCH!!!  I just realized that I haven't updated in a couple of months!!!  Well, if you guys have been following, then you know that TODAY was supposed to be THE DAY!  Obviously, it's not!  As we sit idly by, we pray that files have been requested and that SOMETHING is happening behind closed doors to get us an adoption date.  I'm happy to say that the 90 day appeal period if officially over and we have secured an attorney....just waiting for the big day!  We also celebrated the one year anniversary of Baby Girl coming into our home on February 7!  Time flies! 

 

We know that all things happen in God's time.  We faithfully continue with our lives and are calmly waiting for our time to LEGALLY become a family.  As you all know, we were a family from the moment she came into our lives! 

God is so good!

 

With that being said, I decided to go out and design the shirts that we will be wearing to court that day (whatever day that may be).  They are still working on a final design, but they are going to be awesome - turquoise, yellow and orange :)  For those of you interested, they will be $14.00 each, add $2 for 2XL and 3XL (will also have youth and toddler sizes available)!  I will have order forms ready as soon as possible so let me know if you are interested!  There is no maximum number of ppl who can attend court that day and we would LOVE all of you to be a part of this amazing day!  Email me or message me if you want an order form! :)

 

I'll be sure to update as we get more information!  As for now, we are just enjoying our 14 month old and looking forward to a wonderful future!

 

Thank you all for being such a great support team and praying for us! 

We love all of you!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

So I was recently reminded that I needed to update my blog with birthday info!!!  Baby girl turned 1 year old on December 31!!!   My how time has flown!  Even when she is throwing a temper tantrum, I still look at her and can't comprehend how we were so blessed to see her grow and be a part of her life over the last 11 months! 

 

Her first birthday party was Saturday, January 5 and although we had quite a few people who could not make it, she still had about 40-50 friends and family attend!  It was crazy and so much fun!  I know she really enjoyed herself!

(A big thank you to my Aunt Chris for letting us use her house, Kelly's Kreations for the fabulous cupcakes and cookies, Blue Bear Embroidery for her onesie and bloomers , Bowz and Curlz for her gigantic bow, Dana Daniel for her fluffy tutu and Lora Beth Waller for the awesome photos...oh and Pinterest for my super cute ladybug table decoration ideas!!!)  

 

In other news...we had a permanency meeting to discuss what is to come in the next few months!  The appeal period will be over on February 21 (WHEW!!!!) and then it's just a lot of paperwork.  We will get a social and medical history (as much as they can gather) and an official name change!  YAY!!!  Our original finalization date was March 8 BUT now we aren't too sure!  It seems like we are looking at either April or May! GRRR!!  Apparently the adoption case worker with CPS is a little over worked right now and our case hasn't been turned over to her yet!  Patience....patience!!!

 

Speaking of another baby...Chase and I have UNofficially decided to open our home back up to foster children.  When we got Baby Girl we put ourselves on hold because I just wasn't sure if I could emotionally handle this!  I have a renewed sense of confidence recently that has really gotten me excited about saying YES to another baby (3 years and younger)!!  We haven't made that official decision, but we both agree that God is calling us for something more and who are we to deny that?  And Baby Girl needs a playmate...I think I bore her to death  :)

 

Ok...so here are some pics from her party and a few from her photo shoot!! I'll update more often...I promise!

Can you see my cute fences with grass, ladybugs and candy??  Thanks Pinterest!

These cupcakes were awesome! 

Yummy cookies!!!

 

The big girls were such a big help with the candle and than presents!!

 Baby Girl with her PawPaw

 



She had a super busy day!!!!

 Love her little bloomers!!

 

She loves her cousin Layla - only 3 weeks older than Baby Girl!



"Keep Your Eyes Open"

As most of you probably already know, we had a very good Thanksgiving this year.  On Tuesday, November 20, 2012 the parental rights of Baby Girl were terminated.  She will remain in foster care with us for the next 90 days and then we will finalize her adoption.  The tentative date is for Friday, March 8, but it really all depends on how efficiently the paperwork is shuffled. 

We definitely learned alot more regarding her case during this hearing.  There were times that my eyes watered up hearing about the circumstances that led her into foster care.  I just can't believe that was MY baby in that house.  That was MY baby in harms way.  I see her now and I'm so thankful she will not have a memory of that time.  She was only 4 weeks old when she was taken out of her home and placed with grandma then us.  I'm so thankful every single day for this beautiful little girl and that we've been able to witness all of her firsts!!!

We only ask for continued prayers for the next few months that everything goes smoothly.  We appreciate all of you throughout the past 9 months and when we do this again, I know you will still be there to support us!!! 

 

God is great, all of the time!

"One Life to Love"

So it's official...she's a crawler! Not only that, she also has 5 teeth with one on the way AND she has started pulling up in her bed! Oh goodness!!!! We were so anxious for her to hit a new milestone and now we want her to slow down!!! We are totally loving every moment of these new adventures!!!

Another event this week is our 4 year anniversary! It seems like its been more like 10 (in a really great way)!! Looking back at everything we've been thru and everywhere we've lived, it's been a very exciting ride! Shout out to Dallas, Nashville, The Woodlands and Port Neches!! Lol!!!

This past weekend Baby Girl got to enjoy her first Mexican Heritage Festival!! She may not be Mexican by blood, but she has no choice in being a part of the culture lol!!!! She was absolutely precious in her mexican dress and GIGANTIC yellow flower on her head!  She fit in perfectly!

Updates will probably be few and far between until November unless something happens!!! We are asking for continued prayers for the trial on November 20, we can feel the prayers being lifted!!!

"All This Time"

So as many of my Facebook friends already know, Baby Girl has not had a successful parent visit in a little over 2 months!  On Monday we found out that we will NO LONGER have weekly visits and we are officially going to once a month visits ONLY if the parents call to schedule it!  The change was a result of the lack of interest on the parents part as well as the change in her permanency plan! You guys have no idea how relieved I am.  Every single Monday I have been stressed out and I finally get to just really enjoy my day and not worry about Baby Girl being put into an awkward position. Baby Girl has recently begun grabbing on to me if a stranger tries to hold her so I can't imagine what I would do if she did that at a visit!  Better bring on the security! LOL!!!

I have to admit, though, I'm a bit sad for her parents.  They are missing out on the most fabulous child with the most amazing personality! I pray for them almost daily...I pray that they allow Baby Girl to have a beautiful, blessed life.  I pray that they make the decision to allow us to love her the way I know they want to.  I pray that they use this experience to seek God and learn how good and merciful He is. 

Although the change in family visits is wonderful news, we are not out of the woods yet...81 days until trial!  I'm pretty confident that we are clear and free, but as we've experienced, it doesn't always work out the way we plan!  With that being said, please keep praying that Baby Girl becomes a permanent part of our family!  I can't wait to give her our last name...and pierce her ears! Haha!!! She is so wonderful and beautiful and smart!  I'm so proud to have been given this blessing and honored to be a witness to her life!

Today is also Baby Girl's 8 month birthday!  She is a whopping 15.9lbs and although everyone says she's tiny, I can definitely tell my baby is getting big!!!  She has a slight ear infection right now, so we are fighting a fever and crankiness but definitely entitles me to more cuddle time with her!  She has FOUR teeth yet she refuses to start crawling!  She gets in position and rocks, but as soon as she starts to make a move, she lays down and cries! :(  She loves her food and is a champ with the sippy cup!  Little by little I'm introducing her to table food!  So far she loves mashed potatoes and refried beans! LOL!  I'm starting to plan her 1st birthday ( a little early, but I'm really excited) although I don't want to rush her growing up!  Needless to say, I'm enjoying and embracing every single day we have with her!  Hopefully for the rest of our lives!!!

Thank you for the continued prayers!

"Love Takes Time"

As I lay here tonight getting baby girl to sleep, I was again reminded how awesome our God is. Baby Girl is perfect in every single way and she has been entrusted with us! Hopefully forever! Why in the world have we been chosen? What did He see about us that allowed us to have this baby in our lives? She is amazing and has blessed us in ways we could have never imagined!

I could not stop staring at her! Is this what I've been missing? Looking at this beautiful creature and thanking God for this miracle of life? I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions! Unbelievable! Totally unbelievable! I'm so happy right now! I cannot stop thanking God for this life, for everything that I've been given that I absolutely do not deserve!

I know our journey is not yet complete! I know we have a bumpy road over the next few months! I know that the power of prayer works! Thank you to those praying for us, we can feel it and greatly appreciate it!

"Outta My Mind"

Our Initial Permanency Hearing was yesterday - Baby Girl's 7 month birthday.  It was not exciting...at all!  They didn't even call our case.  Her parents did not show up so all they had to do was enter in her new plan of unrelated adoption and agree to keep her in our home until our trial in November. In 80 days (November 20) the court will make a final decision in our case...which at this point is termination!  Since her parents still have rights, we will continue with our Monday visits for the next few months!  This is so frustrating.  I'm  having to leave work in the middle of the day to bring her to a visit with parents who aren't even showing up!  Not only does it disrupt my day, it disrupts Baby Girl's day too!  You have no idea the anxiety I feel every time I pull up to the office! 

For now, all that we ask is for continued prayers. 

I figure now is a great time to give a little update on Baby Girl!  She is growing like a weed and has 3 teeth (2 lower and 1 on top).  She is eating like a champ and would probably eat all day if I let her!  She eats her cereal/fruit in the morning and afternoon with her bottle and then veggies/cereal at night!  We are finally going to switch her to 2nd food and more complex cereals to see how she does!  I get a lot of criticism for not feeding her table food, but it makes me nervous!  I'm sure I'll come around...eventually! :) 

We just got back from a mini vacation to the beach!  Z is with us for a few weeks so it was a great time to get out of the house!  We went to Moody Gardens, lots of beach time and then a trip to the Strand.  Moody Gardens was fun for all of us and Baby Girl was so well behaved!  She was amazed by everything!!!

"How He Loves"

No real updates today...just a regular old blog post! :) 

I was looking at pictures of Baby Girl when we first brought her home and then look at her now and I cannot believe how big she has grown!  She's still only 14 pounds at 6 months old, but she's not our skinny little baby anymore!  She LOVES food and would eat all day long if I let her...somedays I could swear I gave birth to her LOL! So far she loves bananas, pears, prunes (she's not a very picky eater), squash, carrots and sweet potatoes...a big NO GO on peas!!!  Last night she tasted a lemon for the first time and LOVED it...no squishy faces! LOL!!!She's also talking alot! She like to hear herself scream or just make new noises!  Chase said that's environmentally inherited (apparently he thinks I talk alot hahahaha)!  There are so many times that I look at her and my eyes fill with tears. How in the world did we become lucky enough to have this beautiful, perfect little angel?  I can't even wrap my mind around it! 

Chase leaves tonight for his 2 week training in Houston so I'm interested to see how that goes! Just me and Baby Girl...EEK!!!  Hope Nana keeps her phone near b/c she may have lots of phone calls!!! We want to have Zoren come stay with us for the month of July, but without him being home a couple of day during the week, I'm not sure what she would do while I'm at work and he's at training!  GRRR!  I AM looking forward to our vacation at the end of the month, though!  The beach, Schlitterbahn and Moody Gardens!  YAY! 

For my prayers warriors...we will continue our family visits every Monday so lots of prayers for peace!  Our next hearing is July 31.  Not quite sure what to expect at that one as we've not been able to predict ANYTHING throughout this journey so far! :) 

"Faithfully"

Today we had a Permanency Planning Meeting.  We've had one before that Chase attended and it really wasn't that fascinating...just talked about the baby and how she was doing.  Today was different.  There were 10 people in a conference room, excluding her parents who did not show up (although they were invited to be there).  We talked about how she was doing and all of the new things she was doing like grabbing and eating baby food!  We passed around our 8 million pictures and talked about how much we loved having her in our home.  Then the business began. 

 

The CPS Supervisor (we will call her Jane) asked our CPS caseworker (we will call her Suzy) what Baby Girl's permanency plan was.  Suzy replied that her current plan is reunification with her parents (which we already knew).  She then went on to say that the plan was in the process of being changed to a Related Adoption (where a relative of the bio parents would be able to adopt her after passing a home study).  Jane then asked if any relatives had been named at this point - the answer was NO...her parents had not given any names of anyone interested in taking baby girl throughout this entire process.  Jane then turned to us.  She asked us if Baby Girl became adoptable, would we want her.  Trying to keep as calm as possible, we both answered DEFINTELY!!!  She then said that since we have had her since she was 5 weeks old and we were attached to her and love her, then the new permanency plan would be UNRELATED ADOPTION!

 

Holy cow!  You have no idea what I was feeling when she said that!  My grin was so big there was no way for me to hide it!  As I looked across the table, I saw the CASA workers and our CPS worker smiling at us!  Now...this is NOT set in stone!  We still have to go to court in July and November.  We will continue doing everything that we are doing now, but at our November trial, termination will be offered to the parents.  The only other hurdle we would face would be if a relative came forward or if the parents decided to start working their plan!  At that point, CASA would step in for the best interest of Baby Girl. We praise the Lord for the wonderful blessings he gives us although we are not deserving!

With all of that being said...I need some major prayer warriors to get on their knees!  I know that God will take care of all of us no matter the outcome, but prayers for Baby Girl to be in a loving home are very appreciated! I will keep you guys updated as we get any new updates! 

Today was a good day...a very very good day!!! 

"Crying"

This post may be short bc I'm doing it from my phone!!!

So Baby Girl had a visit today...for real this time! I was at work so Chase brought her, which is how I would like it always to be! Mom and dad BOTH showed up! sigh!!! Anyway....so they had their one hour visit (after 8 weeks of no shows) and then signed their plans!!! WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY??? Sign their plans???? Yep...after 5 months, they FINALLY got a plan! This is so ridiculous! She is a person, not an animal! I cannot believe that neither her parents nor CPS demanded a plan right away!!!! A plan, btw, is a layout of what the parents have to do in order to regain custody of their child(ren)! Usually it's comprised of several classes, drug tests, a place to live, etc.!

Needless to say, I have been a mess all day! I'm devastated at the thought of losing Baby Girl! I know we have a long road, but I feel like I'm already mourning! I'm incredibly grateful for having Baby Girl in our lives and I cannot imagine not seeing her, holding her and taking care of her everyday!

Today was the first time I have felt a weakening in faith! I don't want to lose faith, but I'm exhausted! This is going to sound pathetic, but I'm so tired of things falling apart! Of course, in the same breath I realize how blessed we are to have what we have! I continue praying because I know that I have Him in my corner, I just feel overwhelmed right now!

"Home Sweet Home"

I had a couple of messages asking about updates, so I'll jump right in.  As you know, there have been no parent visits since April 19 and before that, only one visit the week after we got Baby Girl.  This past Friday, Chase got a phone call at 12pm from our case worker.  Mom called and cancelled the visit because she got a job and could not make it.  She said that Monday or Tuesday would be better and our case worker told us she would set something up, even if she had to get Baby Girl from daycare.  When Chase called to tell me the news, I was having lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while so Lori, I truly apologize for the sudden change in my demeanor! LOL!

Ok...here I go!  First of all....2  hours before the visit??? Really????  And what about the previous 7 weeks, where were you then?  Secondly, NO WAY anyone is bringing Baby Girl to a visit other than us!  We would leave work in the middle of the day just to be sure we were with her! Lastly, I was really bummed to hear she had a job because I instantly began to think the worse (I asked for major forgiveness for celebrating failures and not rejoicing in her making her life better).  She's obviously working part of her plan and it's only a matter of time until we lose Baby Girl!!!  I continued to regress even further than that.  Why can't I just have my own baby?  Why does it feel like I'm never really going to be mother? This is so unfair!!!  What kind of life lesson is He trying to teach me???  Why is everything so easy for some people and everything is so darn difficult for me???? Pathetic!!  I've definitely calmed down since Friday although when I really start to talk about the "what ifs", I get teary. 

Needless to say, today is Tuesday and we never got a phone call back from our caseworker to set up a visit!  The week is young, though, so there is still a possibility of it happening!

I had begun to do so well at pushing all of those thoughts out of the way and focusing on the day to day.  The devil places fear in our lives.  He enjoys when we open ourselves up to vulnerability because that's when he will strike.  I will not let him in.  I will not let him ruin the wonderful time I have with Baby Girl.  She is a beautiful, innocent, sweet baby and I will continue to love her and spoil her as much as I can!!!  We never forget to say our prayers and ask God everyday to watch over our family and protect our hearts!

In other Baby Girl news, we started VEGGIES this week! YAY!! (I sooo wish I could post pictures)  I wasn't sure if it was time, but she does great at eating her cereal with a spoon so we thought we would give it a try!  We tried peas first and she made it through the first few bites before she realized that she did NOT like them so we gave up on them for now (we will re-visit later)!  Tonight we tried sweet potatoes and she LOVED them!  We will introduce fruits once we've mastered the veggies!  My only problem is I have NO idea how often we feed her the baby food along with her formula and cereal!  Any advice from mommies out there would be greatly appreciated!

I'll continue to update as we hear more about our visits!  Please remember that she has a hearing set for July 31 so prayers for a fair judge are welcome.  Our BIG court time isn't until November, but you never know what could happen between now and then!!!